Examining Worry

Sometimes I worry that I’ll end up unsuccessful and broke. Do I really believe that? No; but I’m programmed to think worry is a natural reaction to the uncertainties of being an entrepreneur.

I grew up with a single mother, who–naturally, worried and stressed about money, and with a grandmother who achieved financial security through hard work and controlled spending. I learned that to be a responsible, safe adult, I have to have a reliable source of income, save, and spend sparingly.

Quite frankly, I’m doing the opposite of that right now. I don’t know when or how my next earnings will show up, and I’m living off savings to invest time on pursuing my dreams. Nothing is certain, except for the faith I have in myself, which can sometimes feel…odd.

Anybody else in my shoes would be worried, I sometimes think; so I let the worry creep in in order to feel “normal.” During these moments, I worry about how my business will pan out, if I’m spending too much, and whether I’m crazy.

But, I’m beginning to realize that the worry isn’t even mine. I’ve taken on the worry that my family feels, and the worry I assume a normal person in my situation would feel.

It reminds me of when I decided to move to Vietnam for a year. I’d never been before and I didn’t speak any Vietnamese, so when I told people about my plans to move there, some reacted surprised and concerned. They expected me to be scared, but I wasn’t. I had faith in myself.

Was I crazy, then? I’d question. Maybe I should be scared, I thought, so I tried it on. I told someone I was scared about my move just to see how the words felt, and they responded, “I’d be worried if you weren’t.”

Maybe we live in a world that’s more understanding of worry and fear versus faith and belief in ourselves. From my experience, one is more normal than the other.

I’m learning to own my faith and use it as a critical tool in moving forward with my goals. I have to accept that I may be misunderstood in that, and that sometimes others will express their loving concerns; but I don’t have to take on their doubts as my own. If to them it means I’m living in the clouds, so be it. Life’s more fun up here, where anything is possible.

Battling Doubt

Thursday was my day to make Youtube videos, except I didn’t feel like it. I had a plan set out for it and everything: to do a live and continue my “Tea Time Thursdays” series I only started a couple weeks ago, as well to record a second video.

Instead, I spent most of the day strolling through Millcreek, just south of Salt Lake, enticed by a new age store I discovered walking to an appointment. Inside, I purchased a shiny blue-purple stone called Peacock Ore which was said to, “enhance inner knowing and strengthen perception.” Though I was instinctively attracted to its beauty, I realized I could use some of its healing powers, too.

I’d been feeling doubtful of some of the new directions I was going with my business, like broadening my coaching niche, focusing on new projects, and this desire to break from making Youtube videos, or at least, wanting to loosen the pressure on myself to create them. I wanted to figure out whether or not these changes were wise.

A part of me scorned my lack of consistency (in life, business, and now, Youtube). This part insisted Youtube was my ticket to building a greater audience and success in my business. Plus, I’d told my subscribers I’d be making two videos per week in attempt to motivate myself. This felt like the thing I was “supposed” to do.

Yet, just the thought of making a video felt like work in a way that new projects didn’t.

I was confused on how to move forward with this dilemma. Should I continue making Youtube videos for the sake of consistency, or move on to shiny new things?

There were two opinions in me, battling it out, so I decided to bring this inner-dialogue to life through writing.

I took out my journal and told each side they had equal time and space to say whatever they needed to, without judgement. On one corner, we had what I perceived to be “the voice of logic,” the pro-Youtube/consistency one, and on the other side we had what I called “airy intuition”– the flighty, creative, and idealistic part of me who wants to do everything on my terms and with joy.

Logic said this: You’re going to abandon Youtube? That’s where your audience lives. That is the platform with the most promise to you. What’s your mom going to say? You look like a flake, jumping from one thing to the next. How are you going to grow a business with all this flakiness? Barely anyone reads your blog anyways.

Then, there was the counterargument.

Airy intuition: I am not a “flake.” I am not giving up on my business. I am simply taking it in a new direction that feels good to me. I have been pretty consistent with my blog and super excited about the new projects coming up. I got this! This doesn’t have to mean that I’m giving up on Youtube forever. It simply means most of my content building is going in a new direction. Those that roll with me will roll with this new direction, too. There’s a reason I’m not as interested in Youtube right now, and that’s okay.

I learned that what I had deemed as the voice of “logic” was more like an inner-critic. It was doubtful and scared of my new choices. It brought up what my mom might think and what I would be perceived as by others. “Flakiness” was thrown out a couple times, and it seemed angry at me for continually changing and trying new things.

On the other hand, “airy intuition” was not totally “airy” after all. She had some solid, reasonable points for why I wasn’t a flake and stood firm by my choices. Not only that, but she was encouraging, and seemed to come from a place of belief in myself.

It was eye-opening to see this dialogue on paper. I understood that the resistance towards moving in newer, more exciting directions in my business was coming from a place of fear and self-criticism, and that although I could make space for that opinion to speak, I didn’t have to succumb to it. Instead, I could expand my attention towards the “airy intuition” voice and harness that belief in myself and the bravery to follow my highest excitement.

Applying This Technique To Your Journey

This inner-dialogue journaling tool can be used whenever your in the midst of a tricky decision, are feeling self-doubt, or just need to untangle your thought process around a certain topic. You’ll be surprised at what you discover when you make space for the parts of yourself, and listen.

Turning In

One of the things that’s appealing about writing a blog to me, is that it’s not highly recommended these days. Most business coaches would tell you it’s a better idea to focus on growing your social media, to create videos, or even start a podcast. But a blog–that’s outdated.

I guess I have a rebellious streak. I yearn for authenticity and even if writing is no longer popular, it feels great to do it. This medium allows me to express my thoughts in a way that’s uniquely me.

This blog represents going with my gut. Choosing a path that feels right to me, regardless of what some seasoned experts say. My passion lies in living a life that’s truly authentic, and helping others do the same. This blog is an ode to that.

As an entrepreneur, it’s been tricky to make decisions based solely on what feels right to me. You have all this freedom, yet that freedom can be overwhelming and sort of frightening. For over a year now, I’ve studied the words of other successful entrepreneurs, taken courses, and even hired a business coach. Some of their methods didn’t always jive with me, but I’ve tried them anyways. Other times, I’ve gotten stuck and refused to do anything–whether it was their way or mine.

This push and pull between what feels right to me and other people’s methods and opinions has been a defining part of my journey. Though I was learning from the process itself, and from these mentors, I felt, in many ways, that I wasn’t being true to my own inner guidance.

One of the stronger suggestions I received from coaching mentors was to pick a niche (an area of expertise), and focus on one problem I could help my clients solve. This idea felt confining to me–hell, even the idea of labeling myself solely as a “coach” felt confining. I wanted to expand, to create without limitations. I yearned for the freedom to express myself in whichever way felt right, and to share whatever message I was inspired to contribute, regardless if it fit my niche or not.

Then, I thought about the people I admired and how they had reached success by being rule breakers, or by creating their own unique strategies at life and business. They had owned their authenticity and ran with their intuition. I realized, there is no prescription to my ideal life and definition of success, and if I was going to trail blaze my way through this, I’d have to do it by following my gut.

Motivational Tips for Dream Chasers

Chasing your dreams isn’t always rosy or easy. Sure, the ride is exhilarating and energizing when done right, but there are bound to be days when you may question what you’re doing and want to give up.

First of all, give yourself a pat on the back. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, artist/creator or just a badass whose paving their own way, you are choosing the road less traveled, and that’s something to be proud of.

Here’s a list of essential habits I’ve found to be helpful in order to stay focused and inspired throughout the grind:

Eat Well + Get a Good-Night’s Sleep: Ok, I know it’s obvious, but it can’t be left unsaid. Taking care of our bodies is essential whilst hustling. As creators, our livelihood and ability to give and inspire depends on our health.
Find a Morning Routine that Works for You: It’s taken some experimenting to figure out what lights me up in the morning, but I’ve found that incorporating a walk, meditation and journaling after waking relaxes me for whatever the day has in store. Sometimes, if I wake up anxious or stressed about my long to-do list, journaling helps me vent those emotions out. Meditation allows me the space to be still before working a full day, and walking is just a good, low-key exercise under some sunshine and fresh air. I encourage you to experiment with habits that make you feel great at the start of each day.
Immerse Yourself in Inspiration: Another part of my morning routine is to listen to podcasts on my walk, particularly of successful female entrepreneurs. It’s not just about the useful content. The important thing is to remind myself that there are other people who have successfully accomplished some of my own goals and dreams. It reminds me that it’s not impossible, and that there are kindred souls out there. You are not alone on this journey.
Set a Schedule: This one was a game changer for me. I used to take my business tasks day by day and just try to run through a long, mixed to-do list. Now, I set specific days of the week for specific tasks. For example, Mondays are reserved for admin and organizational tasks while Thursdays I film videos. That way, I’m immersed in a particular head space each day which keeps me in flow and increases my productivity.
Visualize and Talk About Your Goals: Frequently fantasizing about and seeing my desired future career and lifestyle gives me fuel to continue hustling. I like creating vision boards where I post photos of my dreams so I can have daily reminders of what awaits me if I keep working hard. Similarly, you can journal about your goals or listen to guided visualization meditations. Talking about those dreams with supportive loved ones will hold you accountable. You’re less likely to abandon a goal if you’ve told someone else about it.

I hope these simple steps can help propel you forward in your very own, dream-chasing journey.

“An Open Letter to Your Future Self”

Yesterday I looked up some writing prompts to keep the blogging momentum going and came across one that struck out to me: “Write an open letter to your future self.”

I can see why this assignment was enticing. I spend so much time focused on my goals and dreams, visualizing all the success I desire and the type of woman I want to become. My future-self is undeniably alluring. She’s her own boss, a public figure of sorts, a writer, fashionista, and traveler. She’s wealthy–not just financially, but she’s full of purpose, joy, laughter, and creativity. She’s a powerhouse, and someone I find refuge in as I work diligently to turn my dreams into reality.

My letter started out like this:

Dear Gaby,

I dream of you often. I have these grand impressions of you and everything you’ll accomplish. Even if no one else can see you or understand you, my faith in you is unwavering. There’s no way for me to know how I’ll get to where you are, but I believe that little by little, the pieces will come together, and that the ride is bound to be epic.

Lately I’ve been working hard at ensuring that you become a reality. Each day I take small steps towards growing my brand and business and each day I take the opportunity to develop and learn as a person.

Midway through the letter, I had a thought: I could’ve written the same letter to this current version of myself as a sixteen year old, sitting in her bedroom at night, feeling like the whole world was ahead of her.

I thought about what I wanted for my future-self as a teen that I currently have: a place of my own, a partner, a dog, and lots of travel under my belt.

I took a rare moment to acknowledge how far I’ve come and all the decisions I’ve made to manifest that vision. Time and time again, I’ve listened to that rumbling heart of mine despite the risk. Time and time again, I’ve put myself first.

I think about the woman I want to become. She has some experiences I have yet to attain, like living in New York City and Portugal, writing a couple books, and owning a walk-in closet 😉

Those desires are so valuable; they’re glimpses into what my soul wants to experience this time around. And though I intend to go forth in my attainment of them, I cannot lose sight of the unfolding process and the milestones I’ve already reached.

I am the woman I so wish to become. Het tenacity, wisdom and drive, is already here.