The Year of Door Closures

At first glance, 2020 has been the year of door closures. But you know what they say, “another opens.”

Plans and ideas of what life would look like have continually changed, some becoming completely irrelevant by now.

My friend Anna and I took a trip to southern Utah a few days ago to visit some parks. Finding ourselves both jobless and fed up with life indoors, we planned the trip out in a matter of days and quickly executed. It was something that wouldn’t have otherwise gone down with such haste.

Hiking and surrounded by the dramatic landscapes of earth-red cliffs at Zion Park, I asked her, “What would your life look like right now if COVID had never happened?”

I pondered the same. I would be in New York, at the same job, grinding, and probably still in my long-distance relationship. Maybe I would’ve stayed in New York for years to come. Or maybe I would’ve eventually moved back to Utah to be with my boyfriend. It was a decision I was always mulling over in the back of my mind. So much so that my existence in New York often felt threatened by a potential move. New York or Utah? I lived between two worlds.

Then COVID happened and I was laid-off overnight. This was my chance to leap into the other path — back to Utah where my partner patiently awaited me. “It’s like the world is bringing you back to me,” he said, after I excitedly told him I was returning for an undetermined amount of time. It was romantic, and finally, that nagging question of where I should live seemed to find an answer.

“I have a feeling my life is about to really change,” I predicted to my friend Jess as I packed a suitcase. It just felt so obvious at the time. Being back in Utah would bring my partner and I closer together, and I wouldn’t want to leave again. I was being led to build a permanent life out west. This was the easy path. So I thought.

Rewind to a couple weeks earlier.

I’m sitting at McCarren Park in Greenpoint after work, basking in the much-needed sunshine after a long New York winter. I’m talking to Jess on the phone and contemplating whether I should fully commit to the city or move back to Salt Lake to basically settle down and start a family. It was all being offered to me if I just returned. But New York was my dream, the place I’d longed to be in since I was a kid. And finally, I was there, in a job that I liked, finding my footing in that crazy city. “Salt Lake would be the easy choice,” I told her. “But I’m not usually an easy choice type of person.”

Maybe there never is an easy choice. Maybe each choice comes with as many blessings as it does predicaments. Maybe you think you’re choosing the easy path but really by doing so you create the pain of denying your potential. Or perhaps, all paths — temporary and shifting, eventually lead towards a deeper knowing of yourself and of life.

When I lost my job and decided to fly back to Salt Lake, I thought the universe was kindly throwing me a bone and letting me take the easy route — giving me a break from the incessant striving towards my full potential, the embodiment of New York.

Nah. It was yet another opportunity to grow. Salt Lake was not easy. COVID has not been easy. But it forced me to look at unhealed parts of myself and to bring tenderness to them. So in that respect, life was loving to me.

My relationship did not make it, and that felt like a door closing. A path no longer available.

I arrived back in the Bay Area yesterday — back at my mom’s, a square one that was always waiting for me.

Amidst all the fall outs, I can’t help but to come up with another plan, another idea of what life could be. Each redirection feels permanent as it happens, but I should know by now they never are.

This time the plan is so vague maybe it can’t really be called a plan. A hope, a desire that burns deep within my chest. The taste of freedom. Sun-drenched skin and sea-washed hair. Words and creativity.

Ties to places have come undone. The open road emerges past closed doors.

She cannot be contained.

xxGabriela

It’s a Privilege to be Lost

Ah, it’s good to be able to enjoy a Sunday morning/early afternoon. I have some time today before I head to Puerto Rico for work and am feeling a wave of gratitude after a tough period. I just transitioned to a new living space in New York — in Bushwick, Brooklyn to be exact. I finally have my own room and that means the world to me.

I was nervous about stepping up my living space from a “crashpad,” in Queens where flight attendants share rooms and sleep in bunk beds, to renting out my own room. The price difference was big, and I’m farther away from the airport now, but I finally feel like I’m home. Like I actually live here now.

I talked about the concept of home before, and how to me, home is truly a state of mind, but there are things that make us feel more at peace. For me that’s having the privacy and space for my morning rituals, some walls to decorate, and a place to keep my things so I’m not constantly living out of a suitcase.

Overall, I’m feeling extremely blessed, and remembering what it’s like to be in a state of gratitude. Like I mentioned, I’m coming off of a trying period. I felt lost in different areas of my life, not knowing where I was headed, and sensing that things were sorta falling apart.

It was truly a time to practice surrender. I prayed, asked for direction, and observed what I could and couldn’t control. Whatever I couldn’t control, I handed over to God, and trusted that I would be led to the answers or wherever it was I needed to go.

At the height of this confusion, a friend reminded me that “it’s a privilege to be lost.” Being lost connotes having options and a variety of roads to take. It’s an opportunity to explore those options and to say goodbye to the ones that no longer work. Though it can sometimes feel like we’re being suspended in the air, it’s simply an indication to realign and redirect.

What tends to help is: getting clear about what areas in your life are demanding change, identifying where you can take action and where you currently can’t, and praying on and surrendering what is out of your control.

If you aren’t comfortable with the concept of God, you can ask your higher-self for guidance. That wise part of you that knows what your heart longs, that loves you unconditionally, and is always rooting for you. Then, you let go and do your best to take care of yourself, love yourself, and focus on the things you know bring you joy.

I shied away from writing earlier this week, feeling as though my confusion had nothing to share. And that’s okay — I needed a break to reconnect with myself.

Anyways, just want to let you know that if you too have moments of being lost, you’re not alone ❤ I hope this newsletter can bring you some ease in those muddled moments.

Balancing Your Ambition for the Future with Appreciation for Your Current Self

Happy November!

I like to celebrate the beginning of months as a fresh start, and as the opportunity to experience some amazing things to come. To me, months are like tiny years. So much can happen in 30–31 days, that it’s good to take a deep breath and think about some of our intentions for this time period. Do you have any goals? What do you hope goes really well in the next month? Also, what was your biggest lesson or accomplishment from October?

As a very goal-oriented individual, I am currently finding my balance between my ambition and drive for the future, and a practice of presence, self-compassion, and encouragement towards the present-day version of myself. I’ve been journaling on recent accomplishments and appreciating the newer, healthy patterns I’ve developed along the way.

Because of this, I was inspired to create a guided meditation which helps you visualize your future-self, five years from now. Afterwards, I guide you through acknowledging, loving, and encouraging yourself as you are today.

I’ve been meditating at the start of my day for some time now, and it’s a game-changer. Dedicating a little time in the morning to connect with myself and higher source is invaluable, and now it’s hard to imagine it not being part of my routine. When my mind is awfully loud, it can be helpful to do guided/visualization meditations, like the one I created. It’s also nice to switch up what types of meditations you do and see what works for you.

If you feel called to, check it out below (it’s on my Youtube and podcast).

And a little disclaimer: the sound quality is poor in a couple parts, which was super annoying, but I decided to put it up anyways, because if I let the perfectionist side of me run the show, I’d probably never share anything 😉

Anyways, have an AMAZING weekend. You deserve it all.

Listen to the meditation on Youtube
Listen on anchor or anywhere podcasts are found

Creative Blocks and Comparison

Hey friends:

I’m back with a topic for my fellow creators and creatives out there who may be feeling blocked or weighed down from the pressure to create.

Recently I experienced a lot of internal pressure to write, to make videos etc. for the sake of consistency, and fueled by comparison. There are people online who I follow and admire that constantly create and it’s so easy to feel like I’m falling short sometimes when I compare myself. My body and mind truly needed rest after working so much, and I was having trouble admitting that some days are better than others when it comes to creativity and productivity and that I have my own process and journey to go through when it comes to creating that can’t be compared.

If you can relate and struggle with some of the same things, I made a video yesterday that covers how we can move through feeling stuck in our creative blocks, embrace the process and honor our own individual methods and ways of creating.

You can check it out here:

I’m happy to report that I’m more inspired and in flow now because I gave myself the time to feel, to introspect and to share the lessons learned without overthinking it.

Hope it’s helpful, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

Love,

Gabriela

Flow

Hello friends! I hope you’re all well!

Does anyone else sense how light the energy feels in August compared to July? I gotta admit July had some tough moments for me; I was overworked, missing home and feeling defeated towards the end of the month.

If you follow astrology you may have attributed July’s trying energy to Mercury Retrograde. In case you aren’t familiar, the retrograde wreaks havoc among technology, travel and communication. Plus, it fell during Cancer season, which brings forth our emotional and sensitive nature. Meaning, we were deep in our feels as this was unfolding.

The beautiful thing about life though, is that something can suddenly shift and you can wake up one day and everything feels fine again. Even really, really, good. Whether it’s a planetary shift or a simple change in perspective, nothing truly stays stagnant.

I’m so happy to be feeling more positive and like myself again, though l can now see that what felt like harsh lessons in July were an opportunity to show up as the most authentic version of me. I truly believe there is always something to learn from discomfort and that we have the capability to alchemize the darkness into something beautiful if we choose.

If you’re still feeling down, hang in there and let it flow. What really helped me to process the tough days was feeling into my heart during meditation. Meditation can be as simple as focusing on your breathing for a couple minutes a day, and I am starting to see how life changing it truly is. (The hype is real).

I hope though, that you are all well and enjoying the summer now that we near towards the end. I hope you have let the sun bathe your skin and that you’ve spent an entire day just being. You.

Love,

Gabriela

Creating Mini Goals

Happy Friday!

I’ve missed writing and connecting with you all! The more time I take away from doing it, the harder it becomes. I start second guessing myself and thinking of reasons why this isn’t the best time to write.

As a creative, I often struggle with the middle ground between creating on my terms and maintaining discipline. I have all these amazing ideas about work I’d like to complete and put out to the world, yet taking consistent action is tough. I like to take things day by day, enjoy the spontaneity of the present moment and simply create when I feel like it or have the energy.

The problem is, I don’t end up taking that much action or bringing my ideas to life. Even though I’m learning on a soul level that productivity does not define my value (I wrote about this previously), I can’t deny that my desire to express and share with the world is a part of my fiber, and brings meaning and purpose to my life. So when life speeds by me and I find I haven’t worked towards my most important goals, I end up feeling frustrated.

Can you relate?

The most effective game plan will push me to get sh*t done while not feeling bogged down by “work.”

I’ve been able to do this effectively with exercise. I always wanted to have a work out routine but never seemed to make time for it. I thought I had to go to a gym or a class and spend at least an hour there, plus the time traveling there and back. This idea didn’t suit my schedule nor was it something I actually wanted to do.

I simplified it so much for myself. For about a month now I’ve been exercising at home (or in my hotel rooms) for just 10-15 minutes a day. I simply lay out my yoga mat, put on an exercise YouTube video to follow along, and knock it out. My body thanks me for it and I end up feeling accomplished every time because I’ve set myself up for success.

When I have an exceptionally early start to the day or feel exhausted, I skip out on it and pick it back up the next day, without attaching any guilt to it. I try to listen to my body and respect when it just needs sleep or rest.

I can happily say I’ve made working out part of my routine, even if this is simply a baby step, though I actually don’t feel the need or desire to push myself to do more right now.

What I’d like to work on now is making my creative projects a part of my weekly routine. I’m challenging myself to work 10 hours a week on my “side hustle.” 10 hours seems like a doable goal, yet it will also push me to potentially create a lot more than I have before. Having a weekly goal instead of a daily one also allows the wiggle room to simply relax some days.

Tracking the time I work on my projects and watching each hour chip away at my weekly goal is both motivating and encouraging.

If you’re in a similar boat and know that there are some areas in your life where you want to start seeing progress, try this out with me.

How can you create mini goals towards your desired outcome?

It’s important to also treat this as an experiment and have fun, while not feeling bad about yourself if for some reason the mini goals are too much and you need to scale back a little.

It’s all about collecting data and figuring out what works for you.

Let’s support one another on this journey. I’d love to hear about what you’re working on and whether this resonated with you.

Love always,

Gabriela

Protecting the Vibe

Hey lovelies:

Hope you’ve had a beautiful week thus far. I felt inspired to write the past few days because I’m coming to understand a lesson that is so vital, and which I wanted to share with you:

Things don’t have to align perfectly or according to plan in order for you to feel good.

My first month as a flight attendant has taught me a lot about protecting my energy regardless of circumstances. As exciting as it’s been, I’ve also experienced disappointment and frustration at times.

I love to travel and explore more than just about anything and of course that was a huge determinant for choosing this career. Ironically, I was assigned to work many “turns” the first month. A turn means I go somewhere and come right back, without stepping foot off the plane. Each time I was scheduled one of these, I felt my soul die a little.

I wanted so badly to see these destinations, to feel the freedom of walking through new streets, and take part in the adventure of new sights, smells and foods. I wanted to jump into this new career and experience as much as possible, as quickly as possible, but patience. is. a. virtue.

Anyways, last time I was assigned a turn to Honolulu and I’d been itching so bad to see Hawaii! Not only was I disappointment I wouldn’t explore—frankly, I was angry this would be something like a 14 hour day. In my mind I was clearly a victim to these unjust circumstances!

That morning though, I knew my attitude was setting me up to have a potentially terrible (long) day. I decided I was going to have fun at work regardless of where I was going. I put my make up on, felt extra cute and headed to the employee lounge to chill before my flight. I ended up meeting a genuinely kind and friendly man who’s been working as a flight attendant for thirty-something years.

That decision I made in the morning to feel good, plus the friendly conversation, created a snowball effect for the rest of the day. I was upbeat and extroverted when I met my crew and one of them said that man had told her she was going to love me. I just felt grateful.

Work was fun that day, and even when I was tired I had great conversation with the crew and appreciated the chillness of the passengers. Some would call this the law of attraction — your outer world reflects your inner vibration. So because I was in a space of joy, my day panned out smoothly and positively.

What was key in keeping my vibration high, was not getting bent up about things “not going my way” and deciding to have fun anyways. (Side note: I’m starting to think life is always going our way; it’s just our opinion of what “the way” should look like that’s causing frustration and pain).

Anyways, I’m still practicing “protecting my energy/vibe” day by day, specially when it comes to interacting with others. I realize how high I set the bar for people, even strangers. I often expect others to be very friendly, and when they’re not I have a negative reaction to it (another example of things “not going my way”).

When this happens, we can catch ourselves and become witnesses to our internal process. We can decide that our energy is too important and too special to be negatively affected by others or by situations outside of our control. It’s simply too volatile to constantly react.

Anytime throughout the day we can stop and remind ourselves of what we’d like to feel, and that we have the power to have fun, anyways.

Love,

Gabriela