Life-Design

Hello again, friends!

I missed you last week but it was essential for me to pause and simply be. My grandmother recently passed away and I needed time to sit with the news, to reconnect with family, and finally — to rest.

With the news of my grandmother’s passing, everything was put on hold for a little, as feelings demanded to be felt and surrendered to. The grieving process is a strange one, with unpredictable waves of peace, then disbelief, mixed in with pangs of sorrow that hit you out of nowhere. I’m not sure that I can (or ever) will fully comprehend the totality of losing someone you love, or of the sureness of death. We fall for forever every time, despite knowing that death is natural and will happen to us all — and generally, to our grandparents sooner rather than later. Still, it catches you off guard.

I wasn’t planning on fully delving into grief today. I wanted more so to connect on the issue of time. But the process of losing someone reawakened something in me. This need to be the observer in my life again — to take a step back, to reassess, and rebuild.

I’m recognizing more and more how the feeling of being constantly rushed, along with my own expectations of productivity had a hold of me, even though there was no need for the acute intensity of it all. Sure, the energy of modern life is quick and easy to become submerged in — but I have more control of my experience with time and productivity than I initially thought.

Life-Design:

Something I’m deeply passionate about is what I like to call “life design.” To me, it means being boldly intentional about our goals and desires and creating our own individual blueprint for how we want our lives to look like. Each person’s values and personality are unique, and the way the different facets of our lives come together (our careers, relationships, and schedules to name a few) should reflect that as best as possible.

If we’re not consciously aware of our own desires and value systems, it’s easy to fall into societal conditioning and give into that gnawing pressure to do this or that on some sort of timeline — whether it be marrying by a certain age, or striving for a version of “success” you may not even agree upon.

The point of life design is to determine your own definition of success and of a good life. Not society’s. Not your family’s, nor your friends. It poses you to determine what is of most value to you, and to consider what you’re willing to do in order to reshape the way you structure your time and energy according to those values.

Part of my own journey has involved shedding what others expected of me — particularly the pressures I felt most strongly from my grandmother to succumb to a type of life I didn’t want to live.

In grandma’s ideal reality, I would’ve been a doctor, an accountant, or worked in any sort of office, honestly. Something conventional and easy to define. (She never understood what “life coaching” was, and I stopped trying to explain). I also would’ve been married to a handsome prince (literally, a prince) and stayed close to home, forever.

But my wild soul was stubborn and loud, and I answered its call, which took me around the globe, searching searching searching for my own version of a good life. Most of the time, that just meant freedom. Freedom to travel, to explore, and to be on a creative path. It then evolved to finding my purpose and turning my passions into a living, which is what I’m currently working on.

But the striving became too tiring. I demanded a lot of myself on a daily basis, struggled with comparison, and became worn out. Luckily, I didn’t fully burn-out, but I suspect I was headed there. This pace became my norm, my auto-pilot — until recently.

Every so often, life calls for a re-design.

These days, I am working on appreciating time. Not being so quick to spend it on accomplishing task after task, but really sulking in the moments. It looks like:

Giving myself the space to enjoy the process. Focusing on one thing at a time, and delving into one fraction of a project at once. Meditating for longer, allowing myself to do things for fun, or simply relishing in a cup of coffee or the way the sunshine feels on my skin after a long winter. It was a decision to redefine success as the enjoyment of the little moments that make up a day; a lifetime.

The days feel longer, with more profound focus, and there’s been a birthing of new ideas. Overall, it’s a better relationship with myself and with time. I can breathe, and remember that it was never a race to begin with, it was more like a road trip headed home.

xxGabriela

Thank You

We’re on the verge of this new year-this new decade and though I’ve been working through this holiday season, I wanted to take some time to spend New Year’s Eve with you. It’s brought me so much joy to write these newsletters this year, to spend time each week processing my life’s unfolding, and to share nuggets of wisdom with you.

What I have to say is: THANK YOU. Thank you for your readership, for the kind words you’ve shared with me, for seeing me and connecting with my journey. Thank you for being on a healing journey of your own, for the light that you bring to the world, and for stepping into your growth, even when it’s difficult.

There were times when you reached out about how a newsletter resonated with you in that moment, as you were experiencing something similar. These were reassurances that we are all, in fact−in it together, and connected by this wild experience we call LIFE.

I’m so grateful for another year. I’m no longer afraid of the uncertainties, or the difficulties that are part of the package, wrapped and mixed together with the bliss, and most importantly−the love. This year, I navigated some dark portals of the mind, and faced experiences which at the time, felt like defeat. But in the end, there was always the choice and the gift of healing, closely intertwined with creating and sharing with you.

I have found my purpose. To take in all experiences as medicine and to continue to create. Again, thank you for being part of it. Thank you for just being here.

Wishing you and your loved ones a fantastic year ahead.

Curiosity Feels

I struggled to come up with a topic for today’s newsletter, primarily because I’ve been going through some decision making and feeling unclear.

I like to share clarity and positivity when I write these emails, but that’s just one part of me, which is less prevalent on some days.

If I’m honest, there are just as many parts of me that are unsure, scared, saddened, angry, apathetic — you name it. And it is generally more difficult to accept and hold space for those emotions which we may deem as “negative.”

Generally, we are all more comfortable in the light, and may struggle to truly experience the discomforts of certain feelings — which is why it’s a lifelong challenge to create room for their expression as they emerge.

I’ve found that in some ways, the more I work on myself and the more aware I become of how powerful the mind is in shifting my experience, the more responsibility I bare on my shoulders to think and be positive.

While I definitely advocate for all the goodness that comes along with a positive mindset, it’s just as important to witness and be honest with our current experience, whatever that may be.

Rather than trying to bypass it and immediately reach for a positive thought and feeling, we can begin to get curious about the emotions that come up.

Some questions to ponder are:

What am I feeling right now and how is it showing up in my body?
What does it look like?
What thoughts, if any, lead me to that emotion?
If this feeling were to talk, what would it share? (Allow yourself to get playful with this. You can give different parts of you names, voices, and whatever modes of expression you want to explore).

Oftentimes it’s more than one feeling or part of you that comes up , so be mindful of that, and feel free to explore the unique characteristics of each.

All feelings are equally valuable and can teach us something important. For example, anger can often indicate where there’s room to shift and honor our boundaries. Uncertainty shows us that there’s a realm of possibilities and opportunities available to us.

And sometimes, we just don’t know what they are trying to teach or how to even move forward, and that’s something to witness, too.

The more curious we get, the more the judgement fades away, creating space for the feelings to move through freely so they can begin to shift.

I hope this can be helpful to some of you. It certainly was the reminder I needed myself.

Like always, feel free to reach out! And remember to stay curious.

New York Bound

The past few days I’ve been taking some space. Some space to feel through this transition, some space to enjoy Salt Lake City, and some space for self-care. I spent two days at the spa and I have no regrets. Though I could feel on a surface level how my move from Salt Lake to NYC was affecting me, I knew that I had to go deeper and allow myself to mourn and accept this change, as well as to offer myself the support and care I desired.

I noticed a few days ago that I started to get pain in different parts of my body, particularly in my hand. I looked up what emotions hand pain could be linked to, and found that it can indicate trouble letting go. That hit home.

It’s hard to admit that I am struggling with that, because I want to jump into life in New York City weightless, and with open arms. But it’s difficult to leave something you built, even if that was an emotional refuge of sorts.

I experienced so much growth, love, and companionship in Salt Lake, that despite the things the city lacked for me, I know I’ll look back at this chapter with gratitude and some nostalgia. I can now see the beauty in having had something wonderful enough to miss.

When we feel uprooted, we can remind ourselves that home is where the heart is — in you. Each time I move, I’m astounded at the ability to make a home within myself; how one can take refuge in their bodies and being.

Another quote comes to mind: “Everywhere you go, there you are.” It carried a negative connotation when it was first presented to me, like, “You can never run away from yourself.” But, isn’t that perfect, too?

You will always, always have yourself, your one true home. And when we move from chapter to chapter, we’re really just renovating our inner home, using new experiences, connections and energies as building blocks.

When I think of my transition in those terms, it makes it easier to let go of a physical place, and of an experience. Life in Salt Lake changed my inner world, and I take that with me, this time as I build.

On Being Yourself

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

— E.E.Cummings

Lately I’ve been thinking about authenticity, and becoming aware of the many ways in which I personally struggle with letting myself be myself. What do we really mean when we talk about being ourselves, anyways?

I’ve learned it’s a myriad of things, among those: expressing our personalities, living out our values and manifesting our creativity. But also, being true to who we are on a moment-to-moment basis by listening to our intuition, our bodies, and emotions. We’re constantly evolving, therefore being ourselves can mean something different today than it was yesterday, or even an hour ago.

It’s such an irony, that like E.E. Cummings said — being ourselves is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. It seems so simple, yet there are many ways we’re constantly trying to fit into a box, and play by rules we never consciously chose.

Some of these rules may aim to define what happiness and success means to us, how to achieve it, or how we should go about spending our time. Though we’re not really taught to, we’re allowed to reject what seems to be the “norm” and make our own rules about anything, honoring who we are and what we want. One of my rules is: I will not work 40 hours per week unless it’s towards my own business. It’s a standard that’s true to my love for personal time and creativity.

Still, I struggle sometimes with paving my own path towards success in different arenas, using my values, personality, and intuition to dictate how I accomplish certain goals.

I recently enrolled in a Youtube course to grow my channel and wanted to spend a majority of the day going through the lessons and coming up with an idea for a video. The course teaches that video topics should be based on what our ideal audience is searching for, and suggests that we post videos consistently, ideally on the same day each week.

It’s counter-intuitive for me because my work is based on personal experiences (not searchability), and I’m accustomed to creating spur of the moment, without sticking to a schedule. Already I felt my creativity stifled by these rules, though I pushed through, trying to stay open to the suggestions of an expert.

Later on, I still had no idea what my next video would be on, and was frustrated with myself at not being able to play by these rules. Not only that, but I was incredibly bored. A part of me just wanted to play.

Wait up, I thought. What’s the point of the projects I work on? (My youtube videos, this newsletter, courses etc). To have fun! Because they bring joy to my life and enrich my experience. The point is not: to force myself to do something I don’t want to do, or to feel bored and stressed.

I am not going to make myself create on a schedule when it doesn’t feel good or isn’t fun, I told myself. And just like that, I had made my own rule to play by.

I’ve consumed my fair share of courses, books, webinars, and even had a business coach on the path to up-leveling my life and creating a business. I’m constantly downloading information on what I should do and how I should be — these prescribed formulas for success. And yesterday I had this moment of being fed up by it. Not necessarily by the well-meaning advice (which has oftentimes helped), but by the bypassing of my own intuition and desires on how I want to go about creating success.

The how you walk your path, is an opportunity to be unapologetically yourself. Listening to that voice within that sometimes whispers and sometimes screams. It’s trusting in yourself above all, and believing that your own nature knows the way.

You can be wildly yourself and still find what you were looking for. In fact, I think that’s the answer after all.

On Change

We’ve all heard it before: change is inevitable. I tend to seek change before it comes looking, sweeping the rug of comfortability from under me. But this time, change came before I was totally ready, stirring some fear and doubt in me that feels oddly new.

I’ve moved from El Salvador to the U.S., Cali to Ohio, SF to Hanoi and then to SLC. Throughout all the relocations I was always excited to pack up my things and try something new. I looked forward to unknown horizons and experiences, sometimes in ways that boggled and worried my friends and family. Boredom and complacency is my #1 enemy, yet the older I grow, the more comfortable I get with the comfortable.

A few weeks ago I got news that I’ll be transferring from LA to NY for work (Though I live in SLC, I commute into LA). This news would have had me jumping up and down with glee a couple years ago. Living in NY has been a dream of mine since I began religiously watching Sex and the City at 12. But in Salt Lake, I finally got to build a home for myself. One that I felt warmth, love, and support in, in a place that’s beautiful and peaceful. What more could you want, really?

The thing is: I’ve noticed myself flatlining in Salt Lake. My life is so comfortable that I don’t stir up any change. I’ve become such a homebody, savoring the sweetness of my space and my lover, sitting on my porch and watching the mornings go by. I’m basically eighty years old. All jokes aside, as peaceful as it is, this isn’t all that my soul wants for me right now.

My soul desires an environment that inspires, challenges and excites me so I can develop my talents and creativity. It desires a community of artists, healers, and teachers to offer support on my entrepreneurial journey. It desires an environment where I can be most of service to others.

I know these truths to exist within me, but it’s hard for my mind to jump onboard when I seemingly have something good going already. As good as it is, my heart is too aware of the possibility of something great ahead.

So I took a gamble. I applied for a transfer, putting down SLC as my first choice (which would have made my life oh so easy), and NYC as my second. I told myself that if I got NYC, I would finally move there.

I let the universe decide, and it chose growth.

Now I’m dealing with the repercussions of that decision—the saying goodbye to a phase in life that gave me the opportunity to restore, to rest, and to appreciate the pleasantries of safety and simplicity. I truly have appreciated it, and that’s something that makes it much easier to accept change—when you’ve taken the time to enjoy what’s ultimately a passing phase.

All the details will fall into place, and I guess the thing that gives my mind anxiety is wondering if the right decision has been made. I won’t really know, until I’ve experienced both possibilities. But I do know what I fear the most: the never knowing nor experiencing what could have been.

So here’s to change—to letting it transform you even if you don’t feel ready. Trust your soul is.

Align to That Which You Seek

Today I’d like to invite you to challenge the way you were taught to seek happiness, or whatever feeling it is you desire to find.

We grew up believing that we needed things, experiences, accomplishments, and even people to make us feel happy, validated, and complete. We chased titles/careers, material wealth, and relationships only to find another ladder to climb at the end of each goal completed. Have you noticed that the seeking never really ends? You can get what you really wanted and shortly after, feel like there’s something else to reach for in order to be fully satisfied.

Becoming a flight attendant was a goal I really wanted to accomplish not too long ago. I begged the universe to help me land this opportunity and worked my butt off preparing for the interviews. I thought this job would be the perfect addition to my life; that I would no longer feel “lost,” or “stuck” and be set free with the opportunity to travel.

Yet, once I got it, it was entirely too easy to focus on the problems and difficulties within the industry. That “stuck” feeling continued to haunt me despite having obtained what I thought was the answer. I felt confined by my schedule and all the time away from home, and when I was in a place I really enjoyed, it was tainted with the sadness of having to leave shortly after.

These were some of the reasons not to be happy yet. And that’s when I realized I was in a perpetual state of suffering: always wanting more or something different in order to feel free.

Freedom is one of my most important values, the motivation behind so many life decisions, and what I always seem to be chasing.

But I decided that if I were to lead a fulfilled life, I would have to put an end to the never-ending chase and tap into all the ways that I’m already free. A.k.a.“align with the vibration of freedom.” When I talk about aligning to a vibration, what I mean is getting into the state of your desired feeling, in order to attract that which we want in life (Law of Attraction).

I pulled out my journal and started a list of different ways I’m free, discovering so much I’d taken for granted. I’m free to consume the books/films/music I choose; I’m free to dress how I want, I’m free to journal and mediate, I’m free to laugh and play. On a larger scale, I have total creative freedom (like writing this newsletter and making videos) which is so so valuable to me. Plus my job does allow me to travel and see the people I love around the world, which is the closest thing to teleporting I can get right now.

I was so taken aback by the incredible amount of ways I’m already free. I sat with that appreciation and let it light me up. It felt like I could finally ease into the adventure of this very moment. I could finally perceive how everything was flowing naturally and working out for me.

Since then, my attitude towards work has totally changed and in turn, I’m having more fun on a daily basis. I am finally sitting back, enjoying the journey, and appreciating the gifts picked up along the way.

It’s human to have this insatiable thirst for more; to believe that something else has the key to our happiness and completion. But as we grow, we learn to find that which we seek is already in our hands. We have the power of emotion and of perception, which once cultivated and tweaked can shape how we experience our reality.

And in my reality, I am finally free. How about yours?

Beginner’s Mindset

Hey guys!

I recently felt inspired and made a Youtube video for the first time in 9 months.

I started a Youtube channel three years ago, while I was still living in Vietnam. At the time I was close to finishing my teaching contract and was unsure of what my next step in life would be, but was considering teaching in another country.

As part of my research I watched tons of videos about people’s experiences abroad to give me an idea of what living in other places might be like. It was then that I realized I had something to offer: my very own experience of Vietnam.

I didn’t have a proper camera, or a mic. I simply recorded on my laptop and spoke. Back then I didn’t even know how to edit videos, so I when I messed up the first couple minutes I had to start over again. After that I didn’t over think it, and just spoke about my experience. That video ended up being the most popular on my channel by far, with over 100k views to date.

Once I started to learn how to edit videos I got fancier with the quality and more demanding with myself about how they should look. Although I definitely had some fun creating them, they eventually started to feel like work. When I went back to basics, just me in front of the camera speaking my truth, I felt like it wasn’t good enough. I had so many mixed emotions about making videos. On one hand I had some success gaining viewers and subscribers and if felt rewarding to connect with others and create a video from start to finish. Yet, I was overly critical of myself which led me to “giving up” for some time. I figured if I I didn’t have the energy or will to do it near perfectly and consistently, I minus well not do it at all.

I happened to check on my channel the other day and noticed I had gained a number of new subscribers during my hiatus. It’s funny because I wasn’t trying to grow my channel, just as I had gone into my first video with zero expectation. I was inspired to go back to my beginner’s mindset and start over in a sense, without demanding too much of myself and having fun.

I was nervous at first, over thinking my words and stumbling over them. My perfectionist mind kept wanting to sound eloquent and hit all the points I was trying to make. It wasn’t polished but it came together after some editing. It was a step in the right direction because I finally put myself out there again in an imperfect way and with acceptance of that imperfection. I simply felt like sharing insights without demanding it look a certain way.

The video is titled “Goal Setting and Self Compassion” and hits on themes I’ve talked about in the last few Weekly Motivations, just expressed differently. If you’d like to check it out and/or subscribe to my channel head here.

What I’d like for you to take away from this is that if you feel like sharing something, making something or being something but are feeling stuck due to perfectionism and over thinking, bring back the curiosity and playfulness of doing it for the first time. Let go of your own demands and need for it to look a certain way, and trust the process. Focus on having fun and let the chips fall where they may. If you stumble like I did, take a deep breath and remind yourself that the world doesn’t need any more “perfect,” it needs more You, doing what you love.

Goal Setting + Self Love Journeys

Hello friends:

In my last newsletter I mentioned how I was challenging myself to work 10 hours towards my creative projects/side hustle. Last week I began mid-week and accomplished 3.5 hours which was under goal. I had planned on setting time during a long layover at the beach (in between dipping + tanning 😉 ), but was instead rerouted and worked non-stop for three days (oh the joys of working in the airline industry).

Sometimes things don’t go as planned but it’s all about how we react to the unexpected trajectories and perceived “failures.” Most importantly, it’ about the relationship we have with ourselves through it all.

In the past, failing to accomplishing a goal would have made me feel like a loser. Like I wasn’t trying hard enough and that it may not be worth it to continue striving. It would have fed a belief that I’m just not good at consistency or “putting in the work.”

But, I’m choosing a different story now. One of compassion and understanding. I am simply doing my best. The fact that I set aside 3.5 hours for my creative work is a win, specially during my first week of being more intentional about time. And this week—and for the many weeks to come, I have the opportunity to keep working towards those 10 hours in a positive way.

I choose to see this as progress rather than a set back. With that, the weight is removed from my shoulders, I can breathe deeper and continue having fun with this—(may I remind myself)—self imposed challenge.

Instead of not feeling valuable until I create a set amount of work, I can use this “challenge” as a practice of self love + compassion no matter what ❤

Working towards those 10 hours per week is more about the journey than the destination. Just like self love.

I’ll explain:

I used to think self love was a goal to reach, at the end of continual self development and improvement. Each time I thought I had finally reached the most ideal relationship with myself, I would be presented with an emotional challenge that revealed just how much more profound my self love could be; how there was so much more room to love and accept myself— in all the crevices that still carried shame, guilt, emptiness, or whichever emotion manifested the idea of not being enough. It’s a never ending journey with an opportunity for more depth at every moment, whether you’re enduring a high or a low.

I know better now than to think reaching a goal can define me or make me feel more valuable; in other words make me more lovable to myself.

The opportunity to truly love every bit of yourself lies in the journey of it all; which includes the imperfections, the failures and the incessant striving on its own. We have the power to feel enough and loved wherever we’re at, and when we do that, every dream and every goal becomes an added bonus—a fun journey to be had.

Let’s see what we can do, and all that we can accomplish from a place of already being enough.

Love,

Gabriela

Creating Mini Goals

Happy Friday!

I’ve missed writing and connecting with you all! The more time I take away from doing it, the harder it becomes. I start second guessing myself and thinking of reasons why this isn’t the best time to write.

As a creative, I often struggle with the middle ground between creating on my terms and maintaining discipline. I have all these amazing ideas about work I’d like to complete and put out to the world, yet taking consistent action is tough. I like to take things day by day, enjoy the spontaneity of the present moment and simply create when I feel like it or have the energy.

The problem is, I don’t end up taking that much action or bringing my ideas to life. Even though I’m learning on a soul level that productivity does not define my value (I wrote about this previously), I can’t deny that my desire to express and share with the world is a part of my fiber, and brings meaning and purpose to my life. So when life speeds by me and I find I haven’t worked towards my most important goals, I end up feeling frustrated.

Can you relate?

The most effective game plan will push me to get sh*t done while not feeling bogged down by “work.”

I’ve been able to do this effectively with exercise. I always wanted to have a work out routine but never seemed to make time for it. I thought I had to go to a gym or a class and spend at least an hour there, plus the time traveling there and back. This idea didn’t suit my schedule nor was it something I actually wanted to do.

I simplified it so much for myself. For about a month now I’ve been exercising at home (or in my hotel rooms) for just 10-15 minutes a day. I simply lay out my yoga mat, put on an exercise YouTube video to follow along, and knock it out. My body thanks me for it and I end up feeling accomplished every time because I’ve set myself up for success.

When I have an exceptionally early start to the day or feel exhausted, I skip out on it and pick it back up the next day, without attaching any guilt to it. I try to listen to my body and respect when it just needs sleep or rest.

I can happily say I’ve made working out part of my routine, even if this is simply a baby step, though I actually don’t feel the need or desire to push myself to do more right now.

What I’d like to work on now is making my creative projects a part of my weekly routine. I’m challenging myself to work 10 hours a week on my “side hustle.” 10 hours seems like a doable goal, yet it will also push me to potentially create a lot more than I have before. Having a weekly goal instead of a daily one also allows the wiggle room to simply relax some days.

Tracking the time I work on my projects and watching each hour chip away at my weekly goal is both motivating and encouraging.

If you’re in a similar boat and know that there are some areas in your life where you want to start seeing progress, try this out with me.

How can you create mini goals towards your desired outcome?

It’s important to also treat this as an experiment and have fun, while not feeling bad about yourself if for some reason the mini goals are too much and you need to scale back a little.

It’s all about collecting data and figuring out what works for you.

Let’s support one another on this journey. I’d love to hear about what you’re working on and whether this resonated with you.

Love always,

Gabriela