Tag: journal

Inner-Worlds

Happy Sunday, friends!

(If that means anything to you anymore lol). I’ve personally found it useful to create my own Monday-Friday routine, spent mostly chipping away at a new project with fervor. I don’t know if there’s anything better to me than feeling inspired.

It’s ironic too, because last week I talked about the tribulations of our passions, and how doing what we love isn’t always easy. Maybe finally accepting and surrendering to that concept was what ultimately led to ease. Surrendering tends to do that.

All I can say is that I’m so grateful to have passions and hobbies to get me through a tumultuous year. When I was a kid and my environment felt chaotic, I would delve into movies and escape into different realities. As an adult, I feel empowered to build my reality. I can’t snap my fingers into a dream life, but I can work towards my desires and plant the seeds for the type of life I want to live—and that brings me a great sense of comfort.

I’m building a new website and I keep thinking about it as a place—a home. I’d like to fill each room with love, I want it to be inviting and beautiful and to have plenty of room to grow as I do. It’s been my little sanctuary lately, and honestly one of the most productive coping mechanisms.

Building a foundation may look like quiet reprieve, and countless of hours spent behind the scenes. It’s not just about working on my passions, but on myself, too.

I’ve noticed that the more I tend to my inner-world, the less interested I’ve become in social media lately. I’ve been taking extended breaks from Instagram (which was until recently, a big addiction), and allowing more space for my own thoughts and ideas.

I don’t feel like sharing my life as much lately; I don’t want to be on display. I want to reserve more of myself for myself, learn how to self-validate, and pour energy into long-term goals that aren’t built for instant gratification. I want to give energy to those that are close to me, or those of you invested enough in my work (thank you).

Maybe these feelings will change later on. But right now, I’m just coming home to myself. Even in the midst of turmoil, we can take back dominion of our inner-worlds. We can cultivate them and turn them into something beautiful, sharing bits of them as we please.

 

Love,

Gabriela

Back to Basics

Hi, friends:

We’ve made it past the halfway point of 2020 and I say that’s a cause for celebration! I think we need more celebrations in general. We oftentimes work tirelessly and overcome our fair share of tribulations, yet don’t take enough time to appreciate and enjoy our accomplishments in the in-between.

Let this be a little reminder to congratulate yourself — whether that’s simply for making it this far in the year, or whether there’s something you just conquered that you should be proud of. Take note of how far you’ve come and allow yourself to bask in the wonder of future possibilities.

This year has been tough, so I’m making it a point to revisit the basic principles of my spiritual practice. Years ago when my interest in self-development started to peak, I began by exploring the law of attraction. I pondered concepts such as,“your thoughts reflect your reality” and “perspective is key.”

While I don’t personally believe that we are entirely in control of the reality we live in, I have experienced firsthand how powerful a mindset and perspective change can be. Picking up beliefs such as, “the universe is working on my behalf” or questioning, “what is this experience trying to teach me?” amongst the face of adversity allows me to breathe easier, trust in the process, feel taken care of along the way, and milk each experience for gold.

The reward in using a challenge as means for personal growth is wisdom, self-knowledge, and creative expression — whether that’s sharing my story through these newsletters or creating any type of art. All experiences, whether I initially judge them as “good” or “bad” have become a source of inspiration and catapulted me to the version of the person I am today. And why not celebrate who you’ve become from time to time?

The foundational practices that have served me the most are to seek out the positive in each outcome and remain grounded in gratitude. This is not to say: avoid difficult emotions. We must feel to heal that which arises. But I’ve noticed recently that I have to be more cautious of where I’m causing myself unnecessary stress and pain through worry or negative thinking patterns.

In that same vein, it is so important to dream. Grappling with the uncertainty of times, I’ve really had to take things day-by-day. While that served me for a while, I sensed my enchantment for the future begin to fade, resulting in less passion for life.

It’s time to realign to what I naturally am: a dreamer, someone who loves to think up and work towards large goals and aspirations. I’ve found it key to always have something to look forward to in life. Most importantly: a purpose.

I hope that in this newsletter you can find a little inspiration to hit the “reset” button as we enter the start of the month. No matter how smart or spiritually developed we may think we are, sometimes reminding ourselves of basic principles that once helped us out of a rut is hugely beneficial.

May this be a time where we can reflect, congratulate, and dream.

Love,

Gabriela

The Fire Within

Hi, friends:

Greetings from New York! I was living here prior to COVID and didn’t know just how long I’d be gone for, so I kept my room here in Brooklyn. I’m finally back to say goodbye, lease out my room and gather my things. It’s bittersweet.

As some of you know, I spent the majority of quarantine in Utah, where I was welcomed by bountiful nature, a quietness, a home. I instantly felt how much I needed that type of peace and it was hard to ignore that New York no longer felt right.

Though my initial plans of staying in Salt Lake fell through, it opened up the opportunity to dust off dreams of long-term travel and execute this new life path as soon as possible

(& whenever the world allows).

If anything, COVID and the uncertainties it came with inspired me to lean towards bold choices. It made me long for many freedoms, including travel abroad. I don’t ever want to take that for granted again or miss another window of opportunity.

It’s not always easy to shift my direction based on feelings—these intuitions I receive like little nudges from my soul. But I try to obey, because by now I know the cost of not doing so is my happiness.

Sometimes I trip up and doubt myself. Specially when people I love question my path. Or when the journey is not easy to traverse. Recently, dealing with the logistics of renting out my room in New York has been stressful.

That, on top of the intensity of the world—plus the losses and redirections I’ve experienced in the last few months—have all left me feeling defeated from time to time.

I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve drank.

But this fire inside me burns.

There is something it yearns for. Always curious to see what’s around the bend, how the story unfolds, what miracles might arise. As much as we may sometimes think we’re afraid of the unknown, we keep walking right into it.

Even if the world turns on its head again tomorrow, and my plans no longer align with the Gods—I can’t imagine anything short of continuing to strive for happiness. Continuing to create, pray, and even laugh.

On the worst days, when I’m afraid of becoming attached to my dreams of the future, that is the simple hope that keeps the fire alive.

And on better days, when I’m able to find refuge in the present, and embrace simple joys and gifts—like bathing under the long awaited sunshine—I dream.

I manifest.

I visualize my feet in moistened sand, legs enveloped by warm water coming to and from shore. Laughing with strangers who are now friends. Planning adventures on a whim. All the things I love about travel.

Just up ahead. I trust in the timing of things. The embers inside release into the wind.

 

Love,

Gabriela

The Year of Door Closures

At first glance, 2020 has been the year of door closures. But you know what they say, “another opens.”

Plans and ideas of what life would look like have continually changed, some becoming completely irrelevant by now.

My friend Anna and I took a trip to southern Utah a few days ago to visit some parks. Finding ourselves both jobless and fed up with life indoors, we planned the trip out in a matter of days and quickly executed. It was something that wouldn’t have otherwise gone down with such haste.

Hiking and surrounded by the dramatic landscapes of earth-red cliffs at Zion Park, I asked her, “What would your life look like right now if COVID had never happened?”

I pondered the same. I would be in New York, at the same job, grinding, and probably still in my long-distance relationship. Maybe I would’ve stayed in New York for years to come. Or maybe I would’ve eventually moved back to Utah to be with my boyfriend. It was a decision I was always mulling over in the back of my mind. So much so that my existence in New York often felt threatened by a potential move. New York or Utah? I lived between two worlds.

Then COVID happened and I was laid-off overnight. This was my chance to leap into the other path — back to Utah where my partner patiently awaited me. “It’s like the world is bringing you back to me,” he said, after I excitedly told him I was returning for an undetermined amount of time. It was romantic, and finally, that nagging question of where I should live seemed to find an answer.

“I have a feeling my life is about to really change,” I predicted to my friend Jess as I packed a suitcase. It just felt so obvious at the time. Being back in Utah would bring my partner and I closer together, and I wouldn’t want to leave again. I was being led to build a permanent life out west. This was the easy path. So I thought.

Rewind to a couple weeks earlier.

I’m sitting at McCarren Park in Greenpoint after work, basking in the much-needed sunshine after a long New York winter. I’m talking to Jess on the phone and contemplating whether I should fully commit to the city or move back to Salt Lake to basically settle down and start a family. It was all being offered to me if I just returned. But New York was my dream, the place I’d longed to be in since I was a kid. And finally, I was there, in a job that I liked, finding my footing in that crazy city. “Salt Lake would be the easy choice,” I told her. “But I’m not usually an easy choice type of person.”

Maybe there never is an easy choice. Maybe each choice comes with as many blessings as it does predicaments. Maybe you think you’re choosing the easy path but really by doing so you create the pain of denying your potential. Or perhaps, all paths — temporary and shifting, eventually lead towards a deeper knowing of yourself and of life.

When I lost my job and decided to fly back to Salt Lake, I thought the universe was kindly throwing me a bone and letting me take the easy route — giving me a break from the incessant striving towards my full potential, the embodiment of New York.

Nah. It was yet another opportunity to grow. Salt Lake was not easy. COVID has not been easy. But it forced me to look at unhealed parts of myself and to bring tenderness to them. So in that respect, life was loving to me.

My relationship did not make it, and that felt like a door closing. A path no longer available.

I arrived back in the Bay Area yesterday — back at my mom’s, a square one that was always waiting for me.

Amidst all the fall outs, I can’t help but to come up with another plan, another idea of what life could be. Each redirection feels permanent as it happens, but I should know by now they never are.

This time the plan is so vague maybe it can’t really be called a plan. A hope, a desire that burns deep within my chest. The taste of freedom. Sun-drenched skin and sea-washed hair. Words and creativity.

Ties to places have come undone. The open road emerges past closed doors.

She cannot be contained.

xxGabriela

Feeling a Shift

Hi, friends:

It’s been a little while. I’ve been avoiding writing, even though it repeatedly makes its way to my to-do list. Sometimes in the midst of emotional turmoil, it’s difficult to find the clarity to express an experience to somebody else.

I’ve been leaning on my journaling practice, a private world of messy randomness. Thoughts hopping from one thing to the next. Doodling has been much the same. It feels like uncoiling the mind and creating physical representations of the things that lurk inside. Sometimes you need that. To create things that don’t necessarily make sense — to be unpolished, at least with yourself.

But today I awoke with a new resolve. I am ready to get to work again.

It’s been a long two months. Two months of deep internal work, two months of letting myself be, of restlessness; days with no agenda except to go on my daily walk. Two months free from external pressures to do or be anything on a particular timeline. It was needed, as difficult as it was sometimes.

But now the time is ripe to start building again. Amongst my recent explorations, I tried hypnotherapy the other day. Before beginning the hypnotherapist asked me about the north node in my astrological chart, which falls under the sign of Capricorn. The north node is an indicator of your life’s path and what you are meant to work on in this lifetime. (You can get your chart here if you’re curious. There’s so much more to astrology than your sun sign!)

The sign of Capricorn concerns itself with material resources, organization, and essentially, becoming a boss. My challenge in this life is to work with those energies to attain what it is I want. For me that means finding a balance between the free-spirited side of me that just wants to flow and do things out of inspiration — with focus, pragmatism, and structure. #thestruggle

I’m happy to report that I’m feeling the drive to strive again, though. Inspired once more to start chipping away at my dreams, little by little.

I am feeling the angst for all of this to be over, as I’m sure you all are, too. I’m dreaming about travel, dreaming about friends, dreaming about the general qualities I’d like my life to have moving forward. And it feels good to be in the hopefulness of it. If anything, this time motivated me to not take freedom for granted again. There are so many things I put on the back burner that I said I would do. It’s time to pull out the bucket list once more.

Love,

Gabriela

Some Inspo

If you’re ready, it’s time for some energy shifts! I have a feeling we’ve all experienced discomfort and growth throughout this period, and that it may be time to integrate what we’ve learned, and move into a lighter, more joyous way of being.

Affirm with me:

I am ready to invite more joy, laughter, love, and friendship into my life. I am ready to bask in the sunshine, fill my heart with gratitude and experience new, wonderful things.

Thinking of you!

Facing Myself at This Time

Hi, friends:

How are we doing?

The last couple of weeks were challenging for me, and it made me wonder how we’re collectively coping with this new normal.

I’m well into week five of this socially-distanced lifestyle and there have truly been so many ups and downs like I mentioned in my previous newsletter. By the way, thanks to those of you that watched the video! I know it wasn’t the typical newsletter you were expecting, but writing has been particularly hard lately. I’ve been lacking some focus and attention, plus I was really called to go inwards in order to cope with anxiety.

It makes sense that it would arise. You strip away distractions, the general “busyness”we’re so accustomed to, and the ability to socialize in person, and we’re left with plenty of time to face ourselves. To face the thoughts or emotions that were previously easy to suppress. Fortunately, that comes with the gift of healing and moving through them as well.

I’m reminded of a previous time in my life, which coincidentally enough, took place in Utah before I ever thought I’d end up here one day.

When I was sixteen years old I got to go on Outward Bound, a program that takes youth on these long wilderness expeditions. I didn’t really want to do it, but it was a necessary component if I also wanted to go abroad the following summer through this program I was in. Little did I know, this experience would change my life.

I spent 26 days backpacking through the south of Utah and into Colorado alongside other high school students from all over the country. Three of those days were set aside for the “solo”portion, where we were individually split up into our own little camps. I was left with no one in sight — a tarp, water, eight nutritional crackers, some tangerines and trail mix, along with my journal. It was intense, scary, lonely and hugely transformative. This was the only time I’d ever been alone for this long.

I cried for the majority of those three days. Not because I was desperate to get out, but because I could finally feel this deep sadness that had been building up inside me all those years. I could finally stop long enough to give it a portal. I cried for all things, for my family, for my friends, my lover, everything I had painfully experienced in the past. I cried, I sang, and made a list of all the foods I’d eat once I was home again.

As I reflected on the experience, I realized, that time alone to feel and reflect was essential for my well being. I needed to face what I felt inside in order to heal and release it. I vowed to make more space for solitude in the future, to find the time to really sit with myself.

I have yet to return to the woods by myself (though I hope to one day), but I have managed to be alone, mostly in my travels, and while I spent a year in Vietnam. Though the experience of this pandemic is unique in many ways, there is a similarity in the essence of being stripped away of familiarities and comforts, of returning to oneself, in facing what has been suppressed.

Yesterday morning, I felt the peace I had been longing for again. I sat out on the porch, mindfully sipping my tea, teary eyed at having arrived in this moment that felt like bliss. I thought to myself,“I would never take any of it back.”I would never take back the challenges, the pain, the inner struggle, just to be here right now. To feel the lightness of surpassing something that once consumed you, to feel the beauty of your own experience, to love something you once couldn’t stand, particularly if at times that was yourself. I would never take back any of the transformations I’ve experienced and continue to face.

So, if you’re currently going through it my friend, remember this too shall pass. Life ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows — but my experience is that if you find the courage to really sit with whatever arises and to find the support you need, you might come to a place you’d never even imagined.

Sending you love,

Gabriela

Weekly Motivation in Video Form

Hi, friends!

As I sat down to write this week’s newsletter I came across a lot of resistance. I’m exploring intuition and creativity during this time, and practicing letting inspiration guide me on a daily basis. That brought me to recording a video (linked below) in lieu of the typical newsletter. I hope that you enjoy.

Recent Creations:

It’s National Poetry Month, so I’ve been reconnecting with writing poetry, a form I sort of abandoned a few years back. It’s been nurturing to explore different art forms and connect with my subconscious through that exploration. While the prose I write for this newsletter comes from the heart, it feels more analytical than when I write poetry. Sometimes poetry feels like a seperate form of communication, like it doesn’t necessarily have to make sense to the logical mind or have an ending that ties thoughts neatly together. It’s a collage of sentiments, more so an energy than a statement, if that makes sense.

This is a narration of my poem, “A Journey Calls,” along with a paper collage I made to go along with it.

Below, last week’s newsletter in video form. I was feeling nostalgic for outside, for the freedom that nature provides. This is a compilation of nature shots saved in my phone. ❤

Social Distancing Journal | Weekly Motivation #55

Hi, friends! This is a video I made, narrating my latest Weekly Motivation. This is a weekly newsletter I send which you can check out and subscribe to here: https://shoutout.wix.com/so/bbN4ijkMg. It documents what I’ve been experiencing during these times. I used all the nature shots I had in my phone and hope this soothes and comforts you.

Social Distancing. Wisdom & Creativity

Despite the social distancing happening right now, there have been moments I’ve felt a greater connection to all, as we collectively experience history in the making. There have also been moments where the isolation feels gloomy, and the desire to physically gather is palpable.

As we feel the world halt and change, we are all in some way, being pushed up against or totally outside of our comfort zones, forcing us to adapt, and thereby, to grow. This moment has taken us on a self-development journey whether we like it or not, as we face ourselves and face society in new ways. It’s powerful.

I pray that the lessons learned from this chapter will better our world in some way as we better ourselves. And as an eternal optimist, that is what I choose to believe. My personal coping mechanism to life, grief, and uncertainty is to mold the fuck out of it. To see a challenge as a way to practice what I’ve learned. Each experience can be alchemized into medicine if we let it.

My medicine lately has been learning to accept where I’m at each and every day; whether I want to be a sad (or happy) couch potato, or finally finish projects long overdue. I’ve been practicing listening to the desires of my body and intuition, the way I often listen to my mind without question.

There is a new gentleness in that, a new adventure. My body has been loving early bedtimes and daily exercise. I’ve never been a runner but I started jogging around the park regularly, and have fallen in love with it.

I relish the fresh air as it infiltrates my lungs, an accelerated heartbeat, and the sensation of my feet bouncing on the wood chips along the track as it brings me closer to the finish line.

And sometimes, it just wants unadulterated rest — sweatpants, snacks, and movies.

As for my intuition, I’ve been tuning into its guidance to decide what activities to partake in throughout the day. Lately it’s been a lot of cooking. I’m enjoying expressing my creativity within the boundaries of resourcefulness, using only what I have available to make beautiful meals.

And I suppose that’s a metaphor for this experience, and generally, for life. We use what we’re given. It’s through creativity, and the intention to make something beautiful, that we find the nurturing we need.

What are you cooking up?

The Pause

Hi, friends:

The world has forced many of us to pause. And in that pause I found the observer in me. I couldn’t grasp the right words to process all of this, nor the energy. I’ve felt like a quiet, doe-eyed kid, watching the TV cross legged in the living room, feeling powerless over all the happenings. Yet, I can’t deny the strength in the desire to surrender.

Yesterday morning we woke up to a 5.7 earthquake in Salt Lake City—the largest since 1992. There was no way of predicting this, no real preparation on our part, but luckily, we were fine. It was beautiful seeing how the neighbors came together outside, checking in with one another, helping turn the gas off in various homes.

By noon that day, I was officially laid off from work.

The day mirrored much of what the world has been like lately; utterly unpredictable, shocking, messy, yet so intensely beautiful, too. I see our society being more considerate of one another and nature rebuilding. Scrolling through the internet I have witnessed so many find and share the humor in all of this, which to me is something that makes the human spirit so innately beautiful. Could you imagine if our species could not laugh?

Though life has never felt so uncertain, I can also say that between the sadness and the overwhelm, I have also experienced a profound sense of aliveness and peace. I am loving everything and everyone harder and remembering what matters. Simplifying. Letting go of the noise that tells us our value is rooted in our productivity, in our success, in what we have, and the amount of money we make.

I am at peace here in the mountains; next to my love, closer to nature, closer to God. Remembering to listen more.

I’m wishing you all comfort and solace during these times. You are not alone.

Love,

Gabriela

I’m here for you if you want to talk. Also, I’m doing a 21 day abundance meditation challenge – let me know if you want to join and I’ll share the deets.