Tipping the Scale

I recently recorded a podcast about creativity, intuition, and co-creating with higher source.

It was inspired by a desire to express my creativity in different forms. While I have a little routine down of writing and making videos, my intuition led me to see what other ways I could share my message, and I was called to try podcasting again, which felt very fluid and free.

It’s good to step out of our comfort zones as creatives, to play, and to not be so rigid with our work and ourselves. As I have shared, I’m working on dropping the strict demands I have on myself to create a certain type of content on schedule (when it isn’t feeling good or aligned), and to let my work feel energizing and fun!

I would like to explore what it means to be a “hard worker” in a much different way. To view my projects as “play” and as a time to connect with higher source, using my passions as a form of mediation. Perhaps by tipping the scale in this playful direction, I will actually find balance between freedom and tangible results.

It’s a process that requires intuition, self-compassion, enthusiasm, and drive.

If you yourself are a creative, or are just curious about exploring your own intuition when it comes to creating or making decisions, then check out the podcast here.

On Being Yourself

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

— E.E.Cummings

Lately I’ve been thinking about authenticity, and becoming aware of the many ways in which I personally struggle with letting myself be myself. What do we really mean when we talk about being ourselves, anyways?

I’ve learned it’s a myriad of things, among those: expressing our personalities, living out our values and manifesting our creativity. But also, being true to who we are on a moment-to-moment basis by listening to our intuition, our bodies, and emotions. We’re constantly evolving, therefore being ourselves can mean something different today than it was yesterday, or even an hour ago.

It’s such an irony, that like E.E. Cummings said — being ourselves is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. It seems so simple, yet there are many ways we’re constantly trying to fit into a box, and play by rules we never consciously chose.

Some of these rules may aim to define what happiness and success means to us, how to achieve it, or how we should go about spending our time. Though we’re not really taught to, we’re allowed to reject what seems to be the “norm” and make our own rules about anything, honoring who we are and what we want. One of my rules is: I will not work 40 hours per week unless it’s towards my own business. It’s a standard that’s true to my love for personal time and creativity.

Still, I struggle sometimes with paving my own path towards success in different arenas, using my values, personality, and intuition to dictate how I accomplish certain goals.

I recently enrolled in a Youtube course to grow my channel and wanted to spend a majority of the day going through the lessons and coming up with an idea for a video. The course teaches that video topics should be based on what our ideal audience is searching for, and suggests that we post videos consistently, ideally on the same day each week.

It’s counter-intuitive for me because my work is based on personal experiences (not searchability), and I’m accustomed to creating spur of the moment, without sticking to a schedule. Already I felt my creativity stifled by these rules, though I pushed through, trying to stay open to the suggestions of an expert.

Later on, I still had no idea what my next video would be on, and was frustrated with myself at not being able to play by these rules. Not only that, but I was incredibly bored. A part of me just wanted to play.

Wait up, I thought. What’s the point of the projects I work on? (My youtube videos, this newsletter, courses etc). To have fun! Because they bring joy to my life and enrich my experience. The point is not: to force myself to do something I don’t want to do, or to feel bored and stressed.

I am not going to make myself create on a schedule when it doesn’t feel good or isn’t fun, I told myself. And just like that, I had made my own rule to play by.

I’ve consumed my fair share of courses, books, webinars, and even had a business coach on the path to up-leveling my life and creating a business. I’m constantly downloading information on what I should do and how I should be — these prescribed formulas for success. And yesterday I had this moment of being fed up by it. Not necessarily by the well-meaning advice (which has oftentimes helped), but by the bypassing of my own intuition and desires on how I want to go about creating success.

The how you walk your path, is an opportunity to be unapologetically yourself. Listening to that voice within that sometimes whispers and sometimes screams. It’s trusting in yourself above all, and believing that your own nature knows the way.

You can be wildly yourself and still find what you were looking for. In fact, I think that’s the answer after all.

Battling Doubt

Thursday was my day to make Youtube videos, except I didn’t feel like it. I had a plan set out for it and everything: to do a live and continue my “Tea Time Thursdays” series I only started a couple weeks ago, as well to record a second video.

Instead, I spent most of the day strolling through Millcreek, just south of Salt Lake, enticed by a new age store I discovered walking to an appointment. Inside, I purchased a shiny blue-purple stone called Peacock Ore which was said to, “enhance inner knowing and strengthen perception.” Though I was instinctively attracted to its beauty, I realized I could use some of its healing powers, too.

I’d been feeling doubtful of some of the new directions I was going with my business, like broadening my coaching niche, focusing on new projects, and this desire to break from making Youtube videos, or at least, wanting to loosen the pressure on myself to create them. I wanted to figure out whether or not these changes were wise.

A part of me scorned my lack of consistency (in life, business, and now, Youtube). This part insisted Youtube was my ticket to building a greater audience and success in my business. Plus, I’d told my subscribers I’d be making two videos per week in attempt to motivate myself. This felt like the thing I was “supposed” to do.

Yet, just the thought of making a video felt like work in a way that new projects didn’t.

I was confused on how to move forward with this dilemma. Should I continue making Youtube videos for the sake of consistency, or move on to shiny new things?

There were two opinions in me, battling it out, so I decided to bring this inner-dialogue to life through writing.

I took out my journal and told each side they had equal time and space to say whatever they needed to, without judgement. On one corner, we had what I perceived to be “the voice of logic,” the pro-Youtube/consistency one, and on the other side we had what I called “airy intuition”– the flighty, creative, and idealistic part of me who wants to do everything on my terms and with joy.

Logic said this: You’re going to abandon Youtube? That’s where your audience lives. That is the platform with the most promise to you. What’s your mom going to say? You look like a flake, jumping from one thing to the next. How are you going to grow a business with all this flakiness? Barely anyone reads your blog anyways.

Then, there was the counterargument.

Airy intuition: I am not a “flake.” I am not giving up on my business. I am simply taking it in a new direction that feels good to me. I have been pretty consistent with my blog and super excited about the new projects coming up. I got this! This doesn’t have to mean that I’m giving up on Youtube forever. It simply means most of my content building is going in a new direction. Those that roll with me will roll with this new direction, too. There’s a reason I’m not as interested in Youtube right now, and that’s okay.

I learned that what I had deemed as the voice of “logic” was more like an inner-critic. It was doubtful and scared of my new choices. It brought up what my mom might think and what I would be perceived as by others. “Flakiness” was thrown out a couple times, and it seemed angry at me for continually changing and trying new things.

On the other hand, “airy intuition” was not totally “airy” after all. She had some solid, reasonable points for why I wasn’t a flake and stood firm by my choices. Not only that, but she was encouraging, and seemed to come from a place of belief in myself.

It was eye-opening to see this dialogue on paper. I understood that the resistance towards moving in newer, more exciting directions in my business was coming from a place of fear and self-criticism, and that although I could make space for that opinion to speak, I didn’t have to succumb to it. Instead, I could expand my attention towards the “airy intuition” voice and harness that belief in myself and the bravery to follow my highest excitement.

Applying This Technique To Your Journey

This inner-dialogue journaling tool can be used whenever your in the midst of a tricky decision, are feeling self-doubt, or just need to untangle your thought process around a certain topic. You’ll be surprised at what you discover when you make space for the parts of yourself, and listen.

Intuition

Intuition (to me)

is knowing

without needing to understand.

A little voice

inside my chest,

that can only be heard by turning inwards

ever so gently, and so far,

that I feel my insides touch space.

It comes through in forms of people,

animals, a smile, or even a tree–

unearthing what always was.

Sometimes it nudges

towards the next best step,

within the turns and twists of it all,

Other times, it draws a big picture

so I can figure out the how.

Wherever I go, it’s a breath away

waiting to be picked up

and appreciated

Turning In

One of the things that’s appealing about writing a blog to me, is that it’s not highly recommended these days. Most business coaches would tell you it’s a better idea to focus on growing your social media, to create videos, or even start a podcast. But a blog–that’s outdated.

I guess I have a rebellious streak. I yearn for authenticity and even if writing is no longer popular, it feels great to do it. This medium allows me to express my thoughts in a way that’s uniquely me.

This blog represents going with my gut. Choosing a path that feels right to me, regardless of what some seasoned experts say. My passion lies in living a life that’s truly authentic, and helping others do the same. This blog is an ode to that.

As an entrepreneur, it’s been tricky to make decisions based solely on what feels right to me. You have all this freedom, yet that freedom can be overwhelming and sort of frightening. For over a year now, I’ve studied the words of other successful entrepreneurs, taken courses, and even hired a business coach. Some of their methods didn’t always jive with me, but I’ve tried them anyways. Other times, I’ve gotten stuck and refused to do anything–whether it was their way or mine.

This push and pull between what feels right to me and other people’s methods and opinions has been a defining part of my journey. Though I was learning from the process itself, and from these mentors, I felt, in many ways, that I wasn’t being true to my own inner guidance.

One of the stronger suggestions I received from coaching mentors was to pick a niche (an area of expertise), and focus on one problem I could help my clients solve. This idea felt confining to me–hell, even the idea of labeling myself solely as a “coach” felt confining. I wanted to expand, to create without limitations. I yearned for the freedom to express myself in whichever way felt right, and to share whatever message I was inspired to contribute, regardless if it fit my niche or not.

Then, I thought about the people I admired and how they had reached success by being rule breakers, or by creating their own unique strategies at life and business. They had owned their authenticity and ran with their intuition. I realized, there is no prescription to my ideal life and definition of success, and if I was going to trail blaze my way through this, I’d have to do it by following my gut.