Inner-Worlds

Happy Sunday, friends!

(If that means anything to you anymore lol). I’ve personally found it useful to create my own Monday-Friday routine, spent mostly chipping away at a new project with fervor. I don’t know if there’s anything better to me than feeling inspired.

It’s ironic too, because last week I talked about the tribulations of our passions, and how doing what we love isn’t always easy. Maybe finally accepting and surrendering to that concept was what ultimately led to ease. Surrendering tends to do that.

All I can say is that I’m so grateful to have passions and hobbies to get me through a tumultuous year. When I was a kid and my environment felt chaotic, I would delve into movies and escape into different realities. As an adult, I feel empowered to build my reality. I can’t snap my fingers into a dream life, but I can work towards my desires and plant the seeds for the type of life I want to live—and that brings me a great sense of comfort.

I’m building a new website and I keep thinking about it as a place—a home. I’d like to fill each room with love, I want it to be inviting and beautiful and to have plenty of room to grow as I do. It’s been my little sanctuary lately, and honestly one of the most productive coping mechanisms.

Building a foundation may look like quiet reprieve, and countless of hours spent behind the scenes. It’s not just about working on my passions, but on myself, too.

I’ve noticed that the more I tend to my inner-world, the less interested I’ve become in social media lately. I’ve been taking extended breaks from Instagram (which was until recently, a big addiction), and allowing more space for my own thoughts and ideas.

I don’t feel like sharing my life as much lately; I don’t want to be on display. I want to reserve more of myself for myself, learn how to self-validate, and pour energy into long-term goals that aren’t built for instant gratification. I want to give energy to those that are close to me, or those of you invested enough in my work (thank you).

Maybe these feelings will change later on. But right now, I’m just coming home to myself. Even in the midst of turmoil, we can take back dominion of our inner-worlds. We can cultivate them and turn them into something beautiful, sharing bits of them as we please.

Love,

Gabriela

Your Passion Isn’t Always Easy

Hi, friends!

I was reading someone else’s newsletter yesterday where they mentioned how writers don’t particularly like writing as much as having written. I couldn’t relate more. Sometimes the process of actually sitting down and doing the work can feel excruciating. “What do I even talk about?” and “what’s the best way to communicate that with my readers?” are some of the bigger ideas I ponder. And once I have the ideas out on paper, it’s a process of nit-picking at words to make those ideas sound beautiful.

Writing makes me question the saying: “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” It’s a beautiful sentiment but I don’t always find it to be true. I think — the more you love something, the more involved in it you become, the more you ultimately want to work at that thing and are willing to go through the growing pains of evolving and becoming better at it — even when it isn’t easy.

Oftentimes it takes work. One of the biggest misconceptions about practicing your passion is that it should always feel good or be effortless. Sometimes you may have to fight with yourself to do it. The world is filled with temptations and distractions, all beckoning you not to do the work.

At this point in the newsletter, I’ve checked my phone a few times, gone to the bathroom, and starred longingly out my window. It often takes me hours to prepare these newsletters — not just because I get distracted, but because there’s a lot of effort that goes into them.

Yet, that feeling of having created something beyond me through words, and having the pleasure of sharing that with you is always worth it. Especially when I hear that you resonated with it or it inspired you. The “why” when it comes to doing what we love is what will keep us coming back to it, even when it’s so much easier to turn away and watch Netflix or something.

If you’ve been reading my newsletters for a while, you might recall how I went through a lot of different stages and challenges with staying creative and productive. I’ve taken breaks from creating, have come up with productivity challenges, attempted to redefine what it means to “work” so as to make it more fun — and simply waited for inspiration to strike.

While it’s perfectly normal for inspiration to ebb and flow, solely relying on a revelation to take action can be a cop-out. At least I’m recognizing where it has been for me. This idea that it should always be easy just isn’t true.

Sometimes this newsletter is the last thing I want to do, but once I begin to write and get into the flow — and especially once it’s finished — I feel a unique sense of accomplishment and relief.

Lately I’ve been working on a project that’s taking a lot more time and effort than I initially thought it was going to. But the eagerness to accomplish this thing and get it out to the world is far greater than my desire to check-out and chill.

I’ve come to a point where I can appreciate and participate in the actual grit it takes to expand into your calling. Showing up day after day, learning, and doing my best is the only way forward. The dedication itself actually is the inspiration I was looking for.

And when that isn’t enough, we can always find inspiration in the larger reason for attempting in the first place (the “why.”)

Being self-disciplined is not always in my nature, but the longing for freedom is. Freedom from a 9–5, from lackluster, from any restrictions on my desired lifestyle, and most importantly — from my own conceived notions of “what’s possible” — that’s something I’m willing to work for.

xxGabriela

Back to Basics

Hi, friends:

We’ve made it past the halfway point of 2020 and I say that’s a cause for celebration! I think we need more celebrations in general. We oftentimes work tirelessly and overcome our fair share of tribulations, yet don’t take enough time to appreciate and enjoy our accomplishments in the in-between.

Let this be a little reminder to congratulate yourself — whether that’s simply for making it this far in the year, or whether there’s something you just conquered that you should be proud of. Take note of how far you’ve come and allow yourself to bask in the wonder of future possibilities.

This year has been tough, so I’m making it a point to revisit the basic principles of my spiritual practice. Years ago when my interest in self-development started to peak, I began by exploring the law of attraction. I pondered concepts such as,“your thoughts reflect your reality” and “perspective is key.”

While I don’t personally believe that we are entirely in control of the reality we live in, I have experienced firsthand how powerful a mindset and perspective change can be. Picking up beliefs such as, “the universe is working on my behalf” or questioning, “what is this experience trying to teach me?” amongst the face of adversity allows me to breathe easier, trust in the process, feel taken care of along the way, and milk each experience for gold.

The reward in using a challenge as means for personal growth is wisdom, self-knowledge, and creative expression — whether that’s sharing my story through these newsletters or creating any type of art. All experiences, whether I initially judge them as “good” or “bad” have become a source of inspiration and catapulted me to the version of the person I am today. And why not celebrate who you’ve become from time to time?

The foundational practices that have served me the most are to seek out the positive in each outcome and remain grounded in gratitude. This is not to say: avoid difficult emotions. We must feel to heal that which arises. But I’ve noticed recently that I have to be more cautious of where I’m causing myself unnecessary stress and pain through worry or negative thinking patterns.

In that same vein, it is so important to dream. Grappling with the uncertainty of times, I’ve really had to take things day-by-day. While that served me for a while, I sensed my enchantment for the future begin to fade, resulting in less passion for life.

It’s time to realign to what I naturally am: a dreamer, someone who loves to think up and work towards large goals and aspirations. I’ve found it key to always have something to look forward to in life. Most importantly: a purpose.

I hope that in this newsletter you can find a little inspiration to hit the “reset” button as we enter the start of the month. No matter how smart or spiritually developed we may think we are, sometimes reminding ourselves of basic principles that once helped us out of a rut is hugely beneficial.

May this be a time where we can reflect, congratulate, and dream.

Love,

Gabriela

The Fire Within

Hi, friends:

Greetings from New York! I was living here prior to COVID and didn’t know just how long I’d be gone for, so I kept my room here in Brooklyn. I’m finally back to say goodbye, lease out my room and gather my things. It’s bittersweet.

As some of you know, I spent the majority of quarantine in Utah, where I was welcomed by bountiful nature, a quietness, a home. I instantly felt how much I needed that type of peace and it was hard to ignore that New York no longer felt right.

Though my initial plans of staying in Salt Lake fell through, it opened up the opportunity to dust off dreams of long-term travel and execute this new life path as soon as possible

(& whenever the world allows).

If anything, COVID and the uncertainties it came with inspired me to lean towards bold choices. It made me long for many freedoms, including travel abroad. I don’t ever want to take that for granted again or miss another window of opportunity.

It’s not always easy to shift my direction based on feelings—these intuitions I receive like little nudges from my soul. But I try to obey, because by now I know the cost of not doing so is my happiness.

Sometimes I trip up and doubt myself. Specially when people I love question my path. Or when the journey is not easy to traverse. Recently, dealing with the logistics of renting out my room in New York has been stressful.

That, on top of the intensity of the world—plus the losses and redirections I’ve experienced in the last few months—have all left me feeling defeated from time to time.

I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve drank.

But this fire inside me burns.

There is something it yearns for. Always curious to see what’s around the bend, how the story unfolds, what miracles might arise. As much as we may sometimes think we’re afraid of the unknown, we keep walking right into it.

Even if the world turns on its head again tomorrow, and my plans no longer align with the Gods—I can’t imagine anything short of continuing to strive for happiness. Continuing to create, pray, and even laugh.

On the worst days, when I’m afraid of becoming attached to my dreams of the future, that is the simple hope that keeps the fire alive.

And on better days, when I’m able to find refuge in the present, and embrace simple joys and gifts—like bathing under the long awaited sunshine—I dream.

I manifest.

I visualize my feet in moistened sand, legs enveloped by warm water coming to and from shore. Laughing with strangers who are now friends. Planning adventures on a whim. All the things I love about travel.

Just up ahead. I trust in the timing of things. The embers inside release into the wind.

Love,

Gabriela

The Year of Door Closures

At first glance, 2020 has been the year of door closures. But you know what they say, “another opens.”

Plans and ideas of what life would look like have continually changed, some becoming completely irrelevant by now.

My friend Anna and I took a trip to southern Utah a few days ago to visit some parks. Finding ourselves both jobless and fed up with life indoors, we planned the trip out in a matter of days and quickly executed. It was something that wouldn’t have otherwise gone down with such haste.

Hiking and surrounded by the dramatic landscapes of earth-red cliffs at Zion Park, I asked her, “What would your life look like right now if COVID had never happened?”

I pondered the same. I would be in New York, at the same job, grinding, and probably still in my long-distance relationship. Maybe I would’ve stayed in New York for years to come. Or maybe I would’ve eventually moved back to Utah to be with my boyfriend. It was a decision I was always mulling over in the back of my mind. So much so that my existence in New York often felt threatened by a potential move. New York or Utah? I lived between two worlds.

Then COVID happened and I was laid-off overnight. This was my chance to leap into the other path — back to Utah where my partner patiently awaited me. “It’s like the world is bringing you back to me,” he said, after I excitedly told him I was returning for an undetermined amount of time. It was romantic, and finally, that nagging question of where I should live seemed to find an answer.

“I have a feeling my life is about to really change,” I predicted to my friend Jess as I packed a suitcase. It just felt so obvious at the time. Being back in Utah would bring my partner and I closer together, and I wouldn’t want to leave again. I was being led to build a permanent life out west. This was the easy path. So I thought.

Rewind to a couple weeks earlier.

I’m sitting at McCarren Park in Greenpoint after work, basking in the much-needed sunshine after a long New York winter. I’m talking to Jess on the phone and contemplating whether I should fully commit to the city or move back to Salt Lake to basically settle down and start a family. It was all being offered to me if I just returned. But New York was my dream, the place I’d longed to be in since I was a kid. And finally, I was there, in a job that I liked, finding my footing in that crazy city. “Salt Lake would be the easy choice,” I told her. “But I’m not usually an easy choice type of person.”

Maybe there never is an easy choice. Maybe each choice comes with as many blessings as it does predicaments. Maybe you think you’re choosing the easy path but really by doing so you create the pain of denying your potential. Or perhaps, all paths — temporary and shifting, eventually lead towards a deeper knowing of yourself and of life.

When I lost my job and decided to fly back to Salt Lake, I thought the universe was kindly throwing me a bone and letting me take the easy route — giving me a break from the incessant striving towards my full potential, the embodiment of New York.

Nah. It was yet another opportunity to grow. Salt Lake was not easy. COVID has not been easy. But it forced me to look at unhealed parts of myself and to bring tenderness to them. So in that respect, life was loving to me.

My relationship did not make it, and that felt like a door closing. A path no longer available.

I arrived back in the Bay Area yesterday — back at my mom’s, a square one that was always waiting for me.

Amidst all the fall outs, I can’t help but to come up with another plan, another idea of what life could be. Each redirection feels permanent as it happens, but I should know by now they never are.

This time the plan is so vague maybe it can’t really be called a plan. A hope, a desire that burns deep within my chest. The taste of freedom. Sun-drenched skin and sea-washed hair. Words and creativity.

Ties to places have come undone. The open road emerges past closed doors.

She cannot be contained.

xxGabriela

Feeling a Shift

Hi, friends:

It’s been a little while. I’ve been avoiding writing, even though it repeatedly makes its way to my to-do list. Sometimes in the midst of emotional turmoil, it’s difficult to find the clarity to express an experience to somebody else.

I’ve been leaning on my journaling practice, a private world of messy randomness. Thoughts hopping from one thing to the next. Doodling has been much the same. It feels like uncoiling the mind and creating physical representations of the things that lurk inside. Sometimes you need that. To create things that don’t necessarily make sense — to be unpolished, at least with yourself.

But today I awoke with a new resolve. I am ready to get to work again.

It’s been a long two months. Two months of deep internal work, two months of letting myself be, of restlessness; days with no agenda except to go on my daily walk. Two months free from external pressures to do or be anything on a particular timeline. It was needed, as difficult as it was sometimes.

But now the time is ripe to start building again. Amongst my recent explorations, I tried hypnotherapy the other day. Before beginning the hypnotherapist asked me about the north node in my astrological chart, which falls under the sign of Capricorn. The north node is an indicator of your life’s path and what you are meant to work on in this lifetime. (You can get your chart here if you’re curious. There’s so much more to astrology than your sun sign!)

The sign of Capricorn concerns itself with material resources, organization, and essentially, becoming a boss. My challenge in this life is to work with those energies to attain what it is I want. For me that means finding a balance between the free-spirited side of me that just wants to flow and do things out of inspiration — with focus, pragmatism, and structure. #thestruggle

I’m happy to report that I’m feeling the drive to strive again, though. Inspired once more to start chipping away at my dreams, little by little.

I am feeling the angst for all of this to be over, as I’m sure you all are, too. I’m dreaming about travel, dreaming about friends, dreaming about the general qualities I’d like my life to have moving forward. And it feels good to be in the hopefulness of it. If anything, this time motivated me to not take freedom for granted again. There are so many things I put on the back burner that I said I would do. It’s time to pull out the bucket list once more.

Love,

Gabriela

Some Inspo

If you’re ready, it’s time for some energy shifts! I have a feeling we’ve all experienced discomfort and growth throughout this period, and that it may be time to integrate what we’ve learned, and move into a lighter, more joyous way of being.

Affirm with me:

I am ready to invite more joy, laughter, love, and friendship into my life. I am ready to bask in the sunshine, fill my heart with gratitude and experience new, wonderful things.

Thinking of you!

This Etch in Time

Hi friends,
Happy May! We made it through April, and I know for many of us it wasn’t easy. The weather has significantly improved in Salt Lake, renewing me with more vitality and optimism than before (thank God). Spring is lush and almost fully actualized. Signs of forward movement are popping up here and there. Businesses in the city have started to re-open, and work in NY may start sooner than I anticipated…
While a lot still remains uncertain, I can’t help but feel that a potential ending to this chapter is near? Which makes me hesitate at the thought of returning to life as normal. Some of the hesitation regards anxieties about public health, some of it is about the flawed normalcy of our society, and some is about losing my personal freedom over time.
I feel extremely blessed for the outpouring of time I received through this quarantine. I know that everybody’s situation was different. Some might’ve been busier than normal, some continued to work, some had families to take care of, etc. But I am grateful to have received that which I was so deeply needing — rest, and renewal, time to be and play and go inwards, inwards, and more inwards. I excavated some old wounds, brought some healing upon them, spent time doodling, writing and making art for myself.
I felt a freedom similar to that of summers as a kid. Months that seemed to stretch on forever, days fading into one another with no sense of order. It’s ironic that within all the limits of this quarantine the word that keeps resonating with me is freedom.
How I was able to find that within the portals of the mind. By letting go of expectations, demands, and through lots of self-compassion.
And as terrifying as it sometimes was to be left with myself, to work through anxiety, and trauma from the past, I will hold what came out of this tenderly.
I just wanted to share a token of gratitude for this strange chapter and what it taught me. For allowing myself to melt into one day and the next, for being messy and untethered, for crying tears of joy, for marveling at the beauty of a tree on my walks around the neighborhood.
This etch in time has bound itself to me forever, like the scars on my legs; each with a story to tell.
xxGabriela

The Pause

Hi, friends:

The world has forced many of us to pause. And in that pause I found the observer in me. I couldn’t grasp the right words to process all of this, nor the energy. I’ve felt like a quiet, doe-eyed kid, watching the TV cross legged in the living room, feeling powerless over all the happenings. Yet, I can’t deny the strength in the desire to surrender.

Yesterday morning we woke up to a 5.7 earthquake in Salt Lake City—the largest since 1992. There was no way of predicting this, no real preparation on our part, but luckily, we were fine. It was beautiful seeing how the neighbors came together outside, checking in with one another, helping turn the gas off in various homes.

By noon that day, I was officially laid off from work.

The day mirrored much of what the world has been like lately; utterly unpredictable, shocking, messy, yet so intensely beautiful, too. I see our society being more considerate of one another and nature rebuilding. Scrolling through the internet I have witnessed so many find and share the humor in all of this, which to me is something that makes the human spirit so innately beautiful. Could you imagine if our species could not laugh?

Though life has never felt so uncertain, I can also say that between the sadness and the overwhelm, I have also experienced a profound sense of aliveness and peace. I am loving everything and everyone harder and remembering what matters. Simplifying. Letting go of the noise that tells us our value is rooted in our productivity, in our success, in what we have, and the amount of money we make.

I am at peace here in the mountains; next to my love, closer to nature, closer to God. Remembering to listen more.

I’m wishing you all comfort and solace during these times. You are not alone.

Love,

Gabriela

I’m here for you if you want to talk. Also, I’m doing a 21 day abundance meditation challenge – let me know if you want to join and I’ll share the deets.

Life-Design

Hello again, friends!

I missed you last week but it was essential for me to pause and simply be. My grandmother recently passed away and I needed time to sit with the news, to reconnect with family, and finally — to rest.

With the news of my grandmother’s passing, everything was put on hold for a little, as feelings demanded to be felt and surrendered to. The grieving process is a strange one, with unpredictable waves of peace, then disbelief, mixed in with pangs of sorrow that hit you out of nowhere. I’m not sure that I can (or ever) will fully comprehend the totality of losing someone you love, or of the sureness of death. We fall for forever every time, despite knowing that death is natural and will happen to us all — and generally, to our grandparents sooner rather than later. Still, it catches you off guard.

I wasn’t planning on fully delving into grief today. I wanted more so to connect on the issue of time. But the process of losing someone reawakened something in me. This need to be the observer in my life again — to take a step back, to reassess, and rebuild.

I’m recognizing more and more how the feeling of being constantly rushed, along with my own expectations of productivity had a hold of me, even though there was no need for the acute intensity of it all. Sure, the energy of modern life is quick and easy to become submerged in — but I have more control of my experience with time and productivity than I initially thought.

Life-Design:

Something I’m deeply passionate about is what I like to call “life design.” To me, it means being boldly intentional about our goals and desires and creating our own individual blueprint for how we want our lives to look like. Each person’s values and personality are unique, and the way the different facets of our lives come together (our careers, relationships, and schedules to name a few) should reflect that as best as possible.

If we’re not consciously aware of our own desires and value systems, it’s easy to fall into societal conditioning and give into that gnawing pressure to do this or that on some sort of timeline — whether it be marrying by a certain age, or striving for a version of “success” you may not even agree upon.

The point of life design is to determine your own definition of success and of a good life. Not society’s. Not your family’s, nor your friends. It poses you to determine what is of most value to you, and to consider what you’re willing to do in order to reshape the way you structure your time and energy according to those values.

Part of my own journey has involved shedding what others expected of me — particularly the pressures I felt most strongly from my grandmother to succumb to a type of life I didn’t want to live.

In grandma’s ideal reality, I would’ve been a doctor, an accountant, or worked in any sort of office, honestly. Something conventional and easy to define. (She never understood what “life coaching” was, and I stopped trying to explain). I also would’ve been married to a handsome prince (literally, a prince) and stayed close to home, forever.

But my wild soul was stubborn and loud, and I answered its call, which took me around the globe, searching searching searching for my own version of a good life. Most of the time, that just meant freedom. Freedom to travel, to explore, and to be on a creative path. It then evolved to finding my purpose and turning my passions into a living, which is what I’m currently working on.

But the striving became too tiring. I demanded a lot of myself on a daily basis, struggled with comparison, and became worn out. Luckily, I didn’t fully burn-out, but I suspect I was headed there. This pace became my norm, my auto-pilot — until recently.

Every so often, life calls for a re-design.

These days, I am working on appreciating time. Not being so quick to spend it on accomplishing task after task, but really sulking in the moments. It looks like:

Giving myself the space to enjoy the process. Focusing on one thing at a time, and delving into one fraction of a project at once. Meditating for longer, allowing myself to do things for fun, or simply relishing in a cup of coffee or the way the sunshine feels on my skin after a long winter. It was a decision to redefine success as the enjoyment of the little moments that make up a day; a lifetime.

The days feel longer, with more profound focus, and there’s been a birthing of new ideas. Overall, it’s a better relationship with myself and with time. I can breathe, and remember that it was never a race to begin with, it was more like a road trip headed home.

xxGabriela

Natural State

I hope that today you can find at least a couple minutes to do a little self care, whether it’s taking deep breaths throughout the day, a full on work out class or staying mindfully hydrated. I’m all about the little things we can do throughout the day to take care of ourselves and check in.

I’m taking the time to slow down today, and have come to know that writing this newsletter is a form of self-care for me, which is so lovely!

This week I experienced some stress and noticed how my energy and sense of security was shaken. Throughout the years of learning how to take care of my mind, body, and spirit I have come to create a type of vibration I am truly comfortable being in. My natural state is optimistic and focused on the realm of possibility. I see life as one big opportunity to expand and reach our potential and I am so blessed to inhabit a healthy body which I try to nourish as best as possible. This is not to say that I am anywhere near perfect! Throughout the day my emotional state alters, sometimes I entertain negative thoughts and worry, and turn to less than healthy foods as a form of comfort. But I now have a strong sense of awareness for when I’m altering out of my grateful state — and when I’m at my best, I can hold space for discomfort as it emerges & have patience and love for myself regardless of where I’m at.

My offering to you today is a suggestion to bring awareness to your natural state. What are you feeling (in mind/body/and spirit) most of the time? What thoughts are you entertaining? What do you prefer to feel and what things can you do to get closer to that state? How can you make those things a habit?

The habits which have created my natural state have included: alone time, journaling, creativity, gratitude, exercise, meditation and of course eating as well as possible. It took some shifting and a strong intention to love and nurture myself to turn those things into habits, but it was so so worth it!

And of course, sometimes things may come up that shake that sense of comfort you begin to find in your natural state. Sometimes we may have to make space for grief, or observe as stress and worry work their ways through us. But when we create a foundation of habits that bring us back to feeling nurtured and taken care of, we have a stronger sense of who we actually are and no longer have to fully identify with negative thoughts and feelings. At my core, I am a passionate lover of life, some might even say a reckless optimist. Sometimes the world bumps up against that hopeful joy (or vice versa) and I have to find my footing again. But as hard as some experiences can be, I know how to find my way back home to that soft core, where hope and joy never cease to exist.