Thanking the Past Me

Thanking the Past

I thank you for the time you spent, writing all those blog posts—one after one, even though you only got a couple reads.

I thank you for posting online about your work, even though, it was oftentimes

scary as hell.

I thank you for following that inner-voice, even when it lead you down

a vulnerable path.

I thank you for the hour after hour,

without any results.

I thank you for investing in courses, even when your savings were dwindling.

I thank you for taking me out to get my nails done, when I sometimes felt poor.

I thank you for your ideas, like starting a blogcast— even if you didn’t know anyone would care.

I thank you for tuning out the negativity, and for taking advice from people who had done

what you

wanted to do.

I thank you for saying “no thank you” to anything

that didn’t feel true.

I thank you for making mistakes.

I thank you for letting the self doubt live,

and for feeding it love.

I thank you for waking up early, even when you had

nowhere to be.

I thank you for trying new things, over

and over again.

I thank you

for not obsessing about what others think

anymore.

I thank you

for walking me here.

Born to Express

Lately I’ve been thinking about the things I enjoy most about my coaching endeavor. You think i’d be coaching itself, but it’s actually been writing this blog and my weekly newsletters lately.

I never know what I’m going to write about until I’m in front of my laptop (just like today). I enjoy seeing the magic of my thoughts and experiences unfolding onto the page.

It’s funny how I’m coming back around to this passion I’ve had since I was seven and started writing short stories in class. I identified so much with being a “writer” for years until I realized later in life that I wanted to be so many other things, too.

It’s always been difficult for me to hone in on one thing I want to pursue head-on. When I found coaching I thought: This is it. I am a life coach. And then, wearing that label became heavy, too. I wanted to be so much more than that. I wanted my other passions to have an outlet, too. But everyone seemed to echo that you need to focus on one thing at a time in order to be successful. Each time I try to do that, I end up rebelling, tearing off whatever label has been holding me back from expressing different parts of myself.

Maybe that’s why I’m savoring my time writing now. Because it goes beyond being a “coach.” Because it sat on the back-burner for so long, aching for a voice and some time to be expressed.

I’d like to honor all those different parts of me that are waiting for permission to experience and create. Maybe I don’t need to be anything, maybe I was just born to express.

Examining Worry

Sometimes I worry that I’ll end up unsuccessful and broke. Do I really believe that? No; but I’m programmed to think worry is a natural reaction to the uncertainties of being an entrepreneur.

I grew up with a single mother, who–naturally, worried and stressed about money, and with a grandmother who achieved financial security through hard work and controlled spending. I learned that to be a responsible, safe adult, I have to have a reliable source of income, save, and spend sparingly.

Quite frankly, I’m doing the opposite of that right now. I don’t know when or how my next earnings will show up, and I’m living off savings to invest time on pursuing my dreams. Nothing is certain, except for the faith I have in myself, which can sometimes feel…odd.

Anybody else in my shoes would be worried, I sometimes think; so I let the worry creep in in order to feel “normal.” During these moments, I worry about how my business will pan out, if I’m spending too much, and whether I’m crazy.

But, I’m beginning to realize that the worry isn’t even mine. I’ve taken on the worry that my family feels, and the worry I assume a normal person in my situation would feel.

It reminds me of when I decided to move to Vietnam for a year. I’d never been before and I didn’t speak any Vietnamese, so when I told people about my plans to move there, some reacted surprised and concerned. They expected me to be scared, but I wasn’t. I had faith in myself.

Was I crazy, then? I’d question. Maybe I should be scared, I thought, so I tried it on. I told someone I was scared about my move just to see how the words felt, and they responded, “I’d be worried if you weren’t.”

Maybe we live in a world that’s more understanding of worry and fear versus faith and belief in ourselves. From my experience, one is more normal than the other.

I’m learning to own my faith and use it as a critical tool in moving forward with my goals. I have to accept that I may be misunderstood in that, and that sometimes others will express their loving concerns; but I don’t have to take on their doubts as my own. If to them it means I’m living in the clouds, so be it. Life’s more fun up here, where anything is possible.

Becoming Your Ideal Self, Today

I’ve been very future oriented lately. My days have been busy with dreaming, goal setting and hustling. Hustling to reach this “ideal version” of myself: the successful woman I’ll one day become.

This idea of a future-self has propelled me forward. It’s such an exciting life I’m building towards, why wouldn’t I want to work hard to get there? The problem is, I’ve placed this ideal version of myself somewhere far off in the distance. It’s a goal to be reached in the future, when a bunch of different pieces of my life fall into place.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s vitally important to have goals clearly outlined for yourself, and to visualize exactly the type of life you want to have. Clarity gives you a path and a better idea of the next best step, wherever you are in your journey.

The important thing to remember is not to get stuck in the idea that you can’t have any aspect of your ideal life yet, and to perpetually wait for the “right moment” to begin making necessary changes. You can create a shortcut to your dream life, today.

Here’s what I did, and what you could do to reach your goals sooner rather than later:

First, I created a list of all the things I wanted for my ideal life + self. I wrote down details for all aspects of my life, including: health, finances, travel, style, self-confidence + beliefs, relationships, career etc. To give you an example, under “health” I wrote down what I wanted my diet to be like, how often I wanted to exercise, get massages etc. Under “finances” I included how much I wanted to make per month, how much I wanted to save and give. In the “self-confidence and beliefs” section, I wrote down all the new beliefs I’d have about myself, such as “I believe, with 100% certainty, that I can accomplish anything.”
After creating this detailed picture of what I wanted for myself, I went through and highlighted all the things I could start doing now, even if that meant pushing myself a bit. I highlighted things like: “I eat tons of fruits and veggies every day,” “I have a regular yoga practice,” “I iron my clothing,” and “I am honest and caring in my communication.” The financial goals seemed the most currently out of reach for me, but I realized I could start tapping into some of those goals. Even if I couldn’t save x% of my income right now, I could push myself to save more than I had in the past.
I started incorporating the habits of my ideal self into my current life.

What I learned from this project is that I have much more control of the present than I thought. I can shortcut to that ideal life if I choose. I no longer have to wait for the “right moment” to begin. The right moment is now.

I’d like to invite you to try this exercise with me and see what happens when you start choosing to live out your goals now.

A video on the topic:

“An Open Letter to Your Future Self”

Yesterday I looked up some writing prompts to keep the blogging momentum going and came across one that struck out to me: “Write an open letter to your future self.”

I can see why this assignment was enticing. I spend so much time focused on my goals and dreams, visualizing all the success I desire and the type of woman I want to become. My future-self is undeniably alluring. She’s her own boss, a public figure of sorts, a writer, fashionista, and traveler. She’s wealthy–not just financially, but she’s full of purpose, joy, laughter, and creativity. She’s a powerhouse, and someone I find refuge in as I work diligently to turn my dreams into reality.

My letter started out like this:

Dear Gaby,

I dream of you often. I have these grand impressions of you and everything you’ll accomplish. Even if no one else can see you or understand you, my faith in you is unwavering. There’s no way for me to know how I’ll get to where you are, but I believe that little by little, the pieces will come together, and that the ride is bound to be epic.

Lately I’ve been working hard at ensuring that you become a reality. Each day I take small steps towards growing my brand and business and each day I take the opportunity to develop and learn as a person.

Midway through the letter, I had a thought: I could’ve written the same letter to this current version of myself as a sixteen year old, sitting in her bedroom at night, feeling like the whole world was ahead of her.

I thought about what I wanted for my future-self as a teen that I currently have: a place of my own, a partner, a dog, and lots of travel under my belt.

I took a rare moment to acknowledge how far I’ve come and all the decisions I’ve made to manifest that vision. Time and time again, I’ve listened to that rumbling heart of mine despite the risk. Time and time again, I’ve put myself first.

I think about the woman I want to become. She has some experiences I have yet to attain, like living in New York City and Portugal, writing a couple books, and owning a walk-in closet 😉

Those desires are so valuable; they’re glimpses into what my soul wants to experience this time around. And though I intend to go forth in my attainment of them, I cannot lose sight of the unfolding process and the milestones I’ve already reached.

I am the woman I so wish to become. Het tenacity, wisdom and drive, is already here.

Create.

I’m going about my business and projects as if they’re a real job from now on. What do I mean by that? I mean that I’m giving myself deadlines, assigning daily tasks, and holding myself accountable. After all, I am my own boss. I never took that part to heart before. I was much too lenient with my personal deadlines and would easily get distracted throughout the day. Before I knew it a week would escape me without much achieved.

Now, I aim to step up my content creation. I want to enhance my ability to come up with new ideas as well as ways to express them–but overall, the goal is to balance out the amount I create vs. consume. It was so much easier to just be a consumer: listening and watching other inspirational people thrive and create. I was inspired, but didn’t do anything with that inspiration. I didn’t enter the dialogue myself.

I believe that creativity is a muscle. I’m learning to work through my imperfections when it comes to exercising it. I didn’t like to create and put anything out there that didn’t feel polished enough, or resembled the effortless excellence of other people’s works. The thing is, without stumbling, trying and failing, I can’t get better. Nothing happens when I wait for all the elements to come together. Time leaves me.