Inner-Worlds

Happy Sunday, friends!

(If that means anything to you anymore lol). I’ve personally found it useful to create my own Monday-Friday routine, spent mostly chipping away at a new project with fervor. I don’t know if there’s anything better to me than feeling inspired.

It’s ironic too, because last week I talked about the tribulations of our passions, and how doing what we love isn’t always easy. Maybe finally accepting and surrendering to that concept was what ultimately led to ease. Surrendering tends to do that.

All I can say is that I’m so grateful to have passions and hobbies to get me through a tumultuous year. When I was a kid and my environment felt chaotic, I would delve into movies and escape into different realities. As an adult, I feel empowered to build my reality. I can’t snap my fingers into a dream life, but I can work towards my desires and plant the seeds for the type of life I want to live—and that brings me a great sense of comfort.

I’m building a new website and I keep thinking about it as a place—a home. I’d like to fill each room with love, I want it to be inviting and beautiful and to have plenty of room to grow as I do. It’s been my little sanctuary lately, and honestly one of the most productive coping mechanisms.

Building a foundation may look like quiet reprieve, and countless of hours spent behind the scenes. It’s not just about working on my passions, but on myself, too.

I’ve noticed that the more I tend to my inner-world, the less interested I’ve become in social media lately. I’ve been taking extended breaks from Instagram (which was until recently, a big addiction), and allowing more space for my own thoughts and ideas.

I don’t feel like sharing my life as much lately; I don’t want to be on display. I want to reserve more of myself for myself, learn how to self-validate, and pour energy into long-term goals that aren’t built for instant gratification. I want to give energy to those that are close to me, or those of you invested enough in my work (thank you).

Maybe these feelings will change later on. But right now, I’m just coming home to myself. Even in the midst of turmoil, we can take back dominion of our inner-worlds. We can cultivate them and turn them into something beautiful, sharing bits of them as we please.

Love,

Gabriela

Your Passion Isn’t Always Easy

Hi, friends!

I was reading someone else’s newsletter yesterday where they mentioned how writers don’t particularly like writing as much as having written. I couldn’t relate more. Sometimes the process of actually sitting down and doing the work can feel excruciating. “What do I even talk about?” and “what’s the best way to communicate that with my readers?” are some of the bigger ideas I ponder. And once I have the ideas out on paper, it’s a process of nit-picking at words to make those ideas sound beautiful.

Writing makes me question the saying: “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” It’s a beautiful sentiment but I don’t always find it to be true. I think — the more you love something, the more involved in it you become, the more you ultimately want to work at that thing and are willing to go through the growing pains of evolving and becoming better at it — even when it isn’t easy.

Oftentimes it takes work. One of the biggest misconceptions about practicing your passion is that it should always feel good or be effortless. Sometimes you may have to fight with yourself to do it. The world is filled with temptations and distractions, all beckoning you not to do the work.

At this point in the newsletter, I’ve checked my phone a few times, gone to the bathroom, and starred longingly out my window. It often takes me hours to prepare these newsletters — not just because I get distracted, but because there’s a lot of effort that goes into them.

Yet, that feeling of having created something beyond me through words, and having the pleasure of sharing that with you is always worth it. Especially when I hear that you resonated with it or it inspired you. The “why” when it comes to doing what we love is what will keep us coming back to it, even when it’s so much easier to turn away and watch Netflix or something.

If you’ve been reading my newsletters for a while, you might recall how I went through a lot of different stages and challenges with staying creative and productive. I’ve taken breaks from creating, have come up with productivity challenges, attempted to redefine what it means to “work” so as to make it more fun — and simply waited for inspiration to strike.

While it’s perfectly normal for inspiration to ebb and flow, solely relying on a revelation to take action can be a cop-out. At least I’m recognizing where it has been for me. This idea that it should always be easy just isn’t true.

Sometimes this newsletter is the last thing I want to do, but once I begin to write and get into the flow — and especially once it’s finished — I feel a unique sense of accomplishment and relief.

Lately I’ve been working on a project that’s taking a lot more time and effort than I initially thought it was going to. But the eagerness to accomplish this thing and get it out to the world is far greater than my desire to check-out and chill.

I’ve come to a point where I can appreciate and participate in the actual grit it takes to expand into your calling. Showing up day after day, learning, and doing my best is the only way forward. The dedication itself actually is the inspiration I was looking for.

And when that isn’t enough, we can always find inspiration in the larger reason for attempting in the first place (the “why.”)

Being self-disciplined is not always in my nature, but the longing for freedom is. Freedom from a 9–5, from lackluster, from any restrictions on my desired lifestyle, and most importantly — from my own conceived notions of “what’s possible” — that’s something I’m willing to work for.

xxGabriela

The Fire Within

Hi, friends:

Greetings from New York! I was living here prior to COVID and didn’t know just how long I’d be gone for, so I kept my room here in Brooklyn. I’m finally back to say goodbye, lease out my room and gather my things. It’s bittersweet.

As some of you know, I spent the majority of quarantine in Utah, where I was welcomed by bountiful nature, a quietness, a home. I instantly felt how much I needed that type of peace and it was hard to ignore that New York no longer felt right.

Though my initial plans of staying in Salt Lake fell through, it opened up the opportunity to dust off dreams of long-term travel and execute this new life path as soon as possible

(& whenever the world allows).

If anything, COVID and the uncertainties it came with inspired me to lean towards bold choices. It made me long for many freedoms, including travel abroad. I don’t ever want to take that for granted again or miss another window of opportunity.

It’s not always easy to shift my direction based on feelings—these intuitions I receive like little nudges from my soul. But I try to obey, because by now I know the cost of not doing so is my happiness.

Sometimes I trip up and doubt myself. Specially when people I love question my path. Or when the journey is not easy to traverse. Recently, dealing with the logistics of renting out my room in New York has been stressful.

That, on top of the intensity of the world—plus the losses and redirections I’ve experienced in the last few months—have all left me feeling defeated from time to time.

I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve drank.

But this fire inside me burns.

There is something it yearns for. Always curious to see what’s around the bend, how the story unfolds, what miracles might arise. As much as we may sometimes think we’re afraid of the unknown, we keep walking right into it.

Even if the world turns on its head again tomorrow, and my plans no longer align with the Gods—I can’t imagine anything short of continuing to strive for happiness. Continuing to create, pray, and even laugh.

On the worst days, when I’m afraid of becoming attached to my dreams of the future, that is the simple hope that keeps the fire alive.

And on better days, when I’m able to find refuge in the present, and embrace simple joys and gifts—like bathing under the long awaited sunshine—I dream.

I manifest.

I visualize my feet in moistened sand, legs enveloped by warm water coming to and from shore. Laughing with strangers who are now friends. Planning adventures on a whim. All the things I love about travel.

Just up ahead. I trust in the timing of things. The embers inside release into the wind.

Love,

Gabriela

The Year of Door Closures

At first glance, 2020 has been the year of door closures. But you know what they say, “another opens.”

Plans and ideas of what life would look like have continually changed, some becoming completely irrelevant by now.

My friend Anna and I took a trip to southern Utah a few days ago to visit some parks. Finding ourselves both jobless and fed up with life indoors, we planned the trip out in a matter of days and quickly executed. It was something that wouldn’t have otherwise gone down with such haste.

Hiking and surrounded by the dramatic landscapes of earth-red cliffs at Zion Park, I asked her, “What would your life look like right now if COVID had never happened?”

I pondered the same. I would be in New York, at the same job, grinding, and probably still in my long-distance relationship. Maybe I would’ve stayed in New York for years to come. Or maybe I would’ve eventually moved back to Utah to be with my boyfriend. It was a decision I was always mulling over in the back of my mind. So much so that my existence in New York often felt threatened by a potential move. New York or Utah? I lived between two worlds.

Then COVID happened and I was laid-off overnight. This was my chance to leap into the other path — back to Utah where my partner patiently awaited me. “It’s like the world is bringing you back to me,” he said, after I excitedly told him I was returning for an undetermined amount of time. It was romantic, and finally, that nagging question of where I should live seemed to find an answer.

“I have a feeling my life is about to really change,” I predicted to my friend Jess as I packed a suitcase. It just felt so obvious at the time. Being back in Utah would bring my partner and I closer together, and I wouldn’t want to leave again. I was being led to build a permanent life out west. This was the easy path. So I thought.

Rewind to a couple weeks earlier.

I’m sitting at McCarren Park in Greenpoint after work, basking in the much-needed sunshine after a long New York winter. I’m talking to Jess on the phone and contemplating whether I should fully commit to the city or move back to Salt Lake to basically settle down and start a family. It was all being offered to me if I just returned. But New York was my dream, the place I’d longed to be in since I was a kid. And finally, I was there, in a job that I liked, finding my footing in that crazy city. “Salt Lake would be the easy choice,” I told her. “But I’m not usually an easy choice type of person.”

Maybe there never is an easy choice. Maybe each choice comes with as many blessings as it does predicaments. Maybe you think you’re choosing the easy path but really by doing so you create the pain of denying your potential. Or perhaps, all paths — temporary and shifting, eventually lead towards a deeper knowing of yourself and of life.

When I lost my job and decided to fly back to Salt Lake, I thought the universe was kindly throwing me a bone and letting me take the easy route — giving me a break from the incessant striving towards my full potential, the embodiment of New York.

Nah. It was yet another opportunity to grow. Salt Lake was not easy. COVID has not been easy. But it forced me to look at unhealed parts of myself and to bring tenderness to them. So in that respect, life was loving to me.

My relationship did not make it, and that felt like a door closing. A path no longer available.

I arrived back in the Bay Area yesterday — back at my mom’s, a square one that was always waiting for me.

Amidst all the fall outs, I can’t help but to come up with another plan, another idea of what life could be. Each redirection feels permanent as it happens, but I should know by now they never are.

This time the plan is so vague maybe it can’t really be called a plan. A hope, a desire that burns deep within my chest. The taste of freedom. Sun-drenched skin and sea-washed hair. Words and creativity.

Ties to places have come undone. The open road emerges past closed doors.

She cannot be contained.

xxGabriela

Feeling a Shift

Hi, friends:

It’s been a little while. I’ve been avoiding writing, even though it repeatedly makes its way to my to-do list. Sometimes in the midst of emotional turmoil, it’s difficult to find the clarity to express an experience to somebody else.

I’ve been leaning on my journaling practice, a private world of messy randomness. Thoughts hopping from one thing to the next. Doodling has been much the same. It feels like uncoiling the mind and creating physical representations of the things that lurk inside. Sometimes you need that. To create things that don’t necessarily make sense — to be unpolished, at least with yourself.

But today I awoke with a new resolve. I am ready to get to work again.

It’s been a long two months. Two months of deep internal work, two months of letting myself be, of restlessness; days with no agenda except to go on my daily walk. Two months free from external pressures to do or be anything on a particular timeline. It was needed, as difficult as it was sometimes.

But now the time is ripe to start building again. Amongst my recent explorations, I tried hypnotherapy the other day. Before beginning the hypnotherapist asked me about the north node in my astrological chart, which falls under the sign of Capricorn. The north node is an indicator of your life’s path and what you are meant to work on in this lifetime. (You can get your chart here if you’re curious. There’s so much more to astrology than your sun sign!)

The sign of Capricorn concerns itself with material resources, organization, and essentially, becoming a boss. My challenge in this life is to work with those energies to attain what it is I want. For me that means finding a balance between the free-spirited side of me that just wants to flow and do things out of inspiration — with focus, pragmatism, and structure. #thestruggle

I’m happy to report that I’m feeling the drive to strive again, though. Inspired once more to start chipping away at my dreams, little by little.

I am feeling the angst for all of this to be over, as I’m sure you all are, too. I’m dreaming about travel, dreaming about friends, dreaming about the general qualities I’d like my life to have moving forward. And it feels good to be in the hopefulness of it. If anything, this time motivated me to not take freedom for granted again. There are so many things I put on the back burner that I said I would do. It’s time to pull out the bucket list once more.

Love,

Gabriela

Some Inspo

If you’re ready, it’s time for some energy shifts! I have a feeling we’ve all experienced discomfort and growth throughout this period, and that it may be time to integrate what we’ve learned, and move into a lighter, more joyous way of being.

Affirm with me:

I am ready to invite more joy, laughter, love, and friendship into my life. I am ready to bask in the sunshine, fill my heart with gratitude and experience new, wonderful things.

Thinking of you!

The Pause

Hi, friends:

The world has forced many of us to pause. And in that pause I found the observer in me. I couldn’t grasp the right words to process all of this, nor the energy. I’ve felt like a quiet, doe-eyed kid, watching the TV cross legged in the living room, feeling powerless over all the happenings. Yet, I can’t deny the strength in the desire to surrender.

Yesterday morning we woke up to a 5.7 earthquake in Salt Lake City—the largest since 1992. There was no way of predicting this, no real preparation on our part, but luckily, we were fine. It was beautiful seeing how the neighbors came together outside, checking in with one another, helping turn the gas off in various homes.

By noon that day, I was officially laid off from work.

The day mirrored much of what the world has been like lately; utterly unpredictable, shocking, messy, yet so intensely beautiful, too. I see our society being more considerate of one another and nature rebuilding. Scrolling through the internet I have witnessed so many find and share the humor in all of this, which to me is something that makes the human spirit so innately beautiful. Could you imagine if our species could not laugh?

Though life has never felt so uncertain, I can also say that between the sadness and the overwhelm, I have also experienced a profound sense of aliveness and peace. I am loving everything and everyone harder and remembering what matters. Simplifying. Letting go of the noise that tells us our value is rooted in our productivity, in our success, in what we have, and the amount of money we make.

I am at peace here in the mountains; next to my love, closer to nature, closer to God. Remembering to listen more.

I’m wishing you all comfort and solace during these times. You are not alone.

Love,

Gabriela

I’m here for you if you want to talk. Also, I’m doing a 21 day abundance meditation challenge – let me know if you want to join and I’ll share the deets.

Adapting and Transitioning

Now that I’m a full blown New Yorker and here 100% of the time, I’ve noticed how much faster I’m moving on a day-to-day basis. Each minute feels like an opportunity to be productive, and sometimes it’s too much to try and keep up. Perhaps this is not just a New York thing, and no matter where you’re at, you may be facing similar feelings, too. Let’s pause and breathe for a minute.

I mentioned in my last newsletter that I’d left my job as a flight attendant and started working at a healing center in NY. I’ve been processing so many emotions about the transition — both happy and uncomfortable ones. Moving quickly and filling my days with tasks was a great way to distract myself from the self-doubting feelings that arose. I now realized how much I was imposing on myself to accomplish and that I have much more control in slowing down and setting the pace of my own life.

It’s rare for me to not be in some sort of transition, and in a sense, all of us are constantly needing to adapt. Whether it’s adapting to the season, to a new environment, or perhaps to a more subtle change, like a new perspective or revelation. It’s so important to be gentle with ourselves and allow the proper space to process it all, and there are many ways to do this.

I recently did two live streams on Youtube in regards to these topics. One is: How to Support Yourself Through a Transition, and the other is Slow Down and Reduce Stress and Overwhelm.

In both videos I offer some tips on how you can make small changes to create more space for mindfulness, self-care, and support.

What’s one thing you can do today to help you through whatever it is you’re processing?

For me, it’s participating in a positive and uplifting inner-dialogue. Nourishing myself with thoughts of gratitude, and of hope and excitement for the future. It really is the little things that can brighten our experience, help us feel taken care of, and make it easier to take it day by day.

You got this 🙂

Curiosity Feels

I struggled to come up with a topic for today’s newsletter, primarily because I’ve been going through some decision making and feeling unclear.

I like to share clarity and positivity when I write these emails, but that’s just one part of me, which is less prevalent on some days.

If I’m honest, there are just as many parts of me that are unsure, scared, saddened, angry, apathetic — you name it. And it is generally more difficult to accept and hold space for those emotions which we may deem as “negative.”

Generally, we are all more comfortable in the light, and may struggle to truly experience the discomforts of certain feelings — which is why it’s a lifelong challenge to create room for their expression as they emerge.

I’ve found that in some ways, the more I work on myself and the more aware I become of how powerful the mind is in shifting my experience, the more responsibility I bare on my shoulders to think and be positive.

While I definitely advocate for all the goodness that comes along with a positive mindset, it’s just as important to witness and be honest with our current experience, whatever that may be.

Rather than trying to bypass it and immediately reach for a positive thought and feeling, we can begin to get curious about the emotions that come up.

Some questions to ponder are:

What am I feeling right now and how is it showing up in my body?
What does it look like?
What thoughts, if any, lead me to that emotion?
If this feeling were to talk, what would it share? (Allow yourself to get playful with this. You can give different parts of you names, voices, and whatever modes of expression you want to explore).

Oftentimes it’s more than one feeling or part of you that comes up , so be mindful of that, and feel free to explore the unique characteristics of each.

All feelings are equally valuable and can teach us something important. For example, anger can often indicate where there’s room to shift and honor our boundaries. Uncertainty shows us that there’s a realm of possibilities and opportunities available to us.

And sometimes, we just don’t know what they are trying to teach or how to even move forward, and that’s something to witness, too.

The more curious we get, the more the judgement fades away, creating space for the feelings to move through freely so they can begin to shift.

I hope this can be helpful to some of you. It certainly was the reminder I needed myself.

Like always, feel free to reach out! And remember to stay curious.

New York Bound

The past few days I’ve been taking some space. Some space to feel through this transition, some space to enjoy Salt Lake City, and some space for self-care. I spent two days at the spa and I have no regrets. Though I could feel on a surface level how my move from Salt Lake to NYC was affecting me, I knew that I had to go deeper and allow myself to mourn and accept this change, as well as to offer myself the support and care I desired.

I noticed a few days ago that I started to get pain in different parts of my body, particularly in my hand. I looked up what emotions hand pain could be linked to, and found that it can indicate trouble letting go. That hit home.

It’s hard to admit that I am struggling with that, because I want to jump into life in New York City weightless, and with open arms. But it’s difficult to leave something you built, even if that was an emotional refuge of sorts.

I experienced so much growth, love, and companionship in Salt Lake, that despite the things the city lacked for me, I know I’ll look back at this chapter with gratitude and some nostalgia. I can now see the beauty in having had something wonderful enough to miss.

When we feel uprooted, we can remind ourselves that home is where the heart is — in you. Each time I move, I’m astounded at the ability to make a home within myself; how one can take refuge in their bodies and being.

Another quote comes to mind: “Everywhere you go, there you are.” It carried a negative connotation when it was first presented to me, like, “You can never run away from yourself.” But, isn’t that perfect, too?

You will always, always have yourself, your one true home. And when we move from chapter to chapter, we’re really just renovating our inner home, using new experiences, connections and energies as building blocks.

When I think of my transition in those terms, it makes it easier to let go of a physical place, and of an experience. Life in Salt Lake changed my inner world, and I take that with me, this time as I build.

Gratitude, Patience and Trust

I’ve been riding a wave since my last newsletter—one of flow, acceptance, and trust. It’s been blissful really, not feeling resistance to where I currently am in life, and enjoying the journey as it unfolds.

When I last wrote, I talked about tapping into the feeling of “freedom,” which is my #1 motivator in life and essential to my well-being and happiness. There were times when I viewed my circumstances as a barrier to freedom, but I’ve been able to change my perspective by tuning into the abundance of freedom I already have. A change of perspective is everything, and in this case, I’ve noticed how much more chill I am about reaching my goals.

It’s not that my ambition has decreased in any way. Simply put, I’m taking the time to smell the roses on the way to where I’d like to eventually be. I’m no longer in a state of rush or frustration because I can tap into whatever it is I want to feel now. There’s less stress and more fun. Less worry about the future and more presence to the beauty of this moment. There’s confidence that this is where I’m supposed to be now, and that it is glorious in its own way.

I call this being in flow. Finally swimming with the stream and not against it.

To boil it down, I’ve found the mindset shift into flow consists of three pillars: gratitude, patience, and trust.

Gratitude for all the blessings and opportunities you currently have.
Patience towards the journey.
And trust that all is unfolding as it should and that your success is inevitable.

I hope that you can enjoy where you are today and have more fun as you make your way towards your desired future.