New York Bound

The past few days I’ve been taking some space. Some space to feel through this transition, some space to enjoy Salt Lake City, and some space for self-care. I spent two days at the spa and I have no regrets. Though I could feel on a surface level how my move from Salt Lake to NYC was affecting me, I knew that I had to go deeper and allow myself to mourn and accept this change, as well as to offer myself the support and care I desired.

I noticed a few days ago that I started to get pain in different parts of my body, particularly in my hand. I looked up what emotions hand pain could be linked to, and found that it can indicate trouble letting go. That hit home.

It’s hard to admit that I am struggling with that, because I want to jump into life in New York City weightless, and with open arms. But it’s difficult to leave something you built, even if that was an emotional refuge of sorts.

I experienced so much growth, love, and companionship in Salt Lake, that despite the things the city lacked for me, I know I’ll look back at this chapter with gratitude and some nostalgia. I can now see the beauty in having had something wonderful enough to miss.

When we feel uprooted, we can remind ourselves that home is where the heart is — in you. Each time I move, I’m astounded at the ability to make a home within myself; how one can take refuge in their bodies and being.

Another quote comes to mind: “Everywhere you go, there you are.” It carried a negative connotation when it was first presented to me, like, “You can never run away from yourself.” But, isn’t that perfect, too?

You will always, always have yourself, your one true home. And when we move from chapter to chapter, we’re really just renovating our inner home, using new experiences, connections and energies as building blocks.

When I think of my transition in those terms, it makes it easier to let go of a physical place, and of an experience. Life in Salt Lake changed my inner world, and I take that with me, this time as I build.

On Being Yourself

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

— E.E.Cummings

Lately I’ve been thinking about authenticity, and becoming aware of the many ways in which I personally struggle with letting myself be myself. What do we really mean when we talk about being ourselves, anyways?

I’ve learned it’s a myriad of things, among those: expressing our personalities, living out our values and manifesting our creativity. But also, being true to who we are on a moment-to-moment basis by listening to our intuition, our bodies, and emotions. We’re constantly evolving, therefore being ourselves can mean something different today than it was yesterday, or even an hour ago.

It’s such an irony, that like E.E. Cummings said — being ourselves is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. It seems so simple, yet there are many ways we’re constantly trying to fit into a box, and play by rules we never consciously chose.

Some of these rules may aim to define what happiness and success means to us, how to achieve it, or how we should go about spending our time. Though we’re not really taught to, we’re allowed to reject what seems to be the “norm” and make our own rules about anything, honoring who we are and what we want. One of my rules is: I will not work 40 hours per week unless it’s towards my own business. It’s a standard that’s true to my love for personal time and creativity.

Still, I struggle sometimes with paving my own path towards success in different arenas, using my values, personality, and intuition to dictate how I accomplish certain goals.

I recently enrolled in a Youtube course to grow my channel and wanted to spend a majority of the day going through the lessons and coming up with an idea for a video. The course teaches that video topics should be based on what our ideal audience is searching for, and suggests that we post videos consistently, ideally on the same day each week.

It’s counter-intuitive for me because my work is based on personal experiences (not searchability), and I’m accustomed to creating spur of the moment, without sticking to a schedule. Already I felt my creativity stifled by these rules, though I pushed through, trying to stay open to the suggestions of an expert.

Later on, I still had no idea what my next video would be on, and was frustrated with myself at not being able to play by these rules. Not only that, but I was incredibly bored. A part of me just wanted to play.

Wait up, I thought. What’s the point of the projects I work on? (My youtube videos, this newsletter, courses etc). To have fun! Because they bring joy to my life and enrich my experience. The point is not: to force myself to do something I don’t want to do, or to feel bored and stressed.

I am not going to make myself create on a schedule when it doesn’t feel good or isn’t fun, I told myself. And just like that, I had made my own rule to play by.

I’ve consumed my fair share of courses, books, webinars, and even had a business coach on the path to up-leveling my life and creating a business. I’m constantly downloading information on what I should do and how I should be — these prescribed formulas for success. And yesterday I had this moment of being fed up by it. Not necessarily by the well-meaning advice (which has oftentimes helped), but by the bypassing of my own intuition and desires on how I want to go about creating success.

The how you walk your path, is an opportunity to be unapologetically yourself. Listening to that voice within that sometimes whispers and sometimes screams. It’s trusting in yourself above all, and believing that your own nature knows the way.

You can be wildly yourself and still find what you were looking for. In fact, I think that’s the answer after all.

On Change

We’ve all heard it before: change is inevitable. I tend to seek change before it comes looking, sweeping the rug of comfortability from under me. But this time, change came before I was totally ready, stirring some fear and doubt in me that feels oddly new.

I’ve moved from El Salvador to the U.S., Cali to Ohio, SF to Hanoi and then to SLC. Throughout all the relocations I was always excited to pack up my things and try something new. I looked forward to unknown horizons and experiences, sometimes in ways that boggled and worried my friends and family. Boredom and complacency is my #1 enemy, yet the older I grow, the more comfortable I get with the comfortable.

A few weeks ago I got news that I’ll be transferring from LA to NY for work (Though I live in SLC, I commute into LA). This news would have had me jumping up and down with glee a couple years ago. Living in NY has been a dream of mine since I began religiously watching Sex and the City at 12. But in Salt Lake, I finally got to build a home for myself. One that I felt warmth, love, and support in, in a place that’s beautiful and peaceful. What more could you want, really?

The thing is: I’ve noticed myself flatlining in Salt Lake. My life is so comfortable that I don’t stir up any change. I’ve become such a homebody, savoring the sweetness of my space and my lover, sitting on my porch and watching the mornings go by. I’m basically eighty years old. All jokes aside, as peaceful as it is, this isn’t all that my soul wants for me right now.

My soul desires an environment that inspires, challenges and excites me so I can develop my talents and creativity. It desires a community of artists, healers, and teachers to offer support on my entrepreneurial journey. It desires an environment where I can be most of service to others.

I know these truths to exist within me, but it’s hard for my mind to jump onboard when I seemingly have something good going already. As good as it is, my heart is too aware of the possibility of something great ahead.

So I took a gamble. I applied for a transfer, putting down SLC as my first choice (which would have made my life oh so easy), and NYC as my second. I told myself that if I got NYC, I would finally move there.

I let the universe decide, and it chose growth.

Now I’m dealing with the repercussions of that decision—the saying goodbye to a phase in life that gave me the opportunity to restore, to rest, and to appreciate the pleasantries of safety and simplicity. I truly have appreciated it, and that’s something that makes it much easier to accept change—when you’ve taken the time to enjoy what’s ultimately a passing phase.

All the details will fall into place, and I guess the thing that gives my mind anxiety is wondering if the right decision has been made. I won’t really know, until I’ve experienced both possibilities. But I do know what I fear the most: the never knowing nor experiencing what could have been.

So here’s to change—to letting it transform you even if you don’t feel ready. Trust your soul is.

Gratitude, Patience and Trust

I’ve been riding a wave since my last newsletter—one of flow, acceptance, and trust. It’s been blissful really, not feeling resistance to where I currently am in life, and enjoying the journey as it unfolds.

When I last wrote, I talked about tapping into the feeling of “freedom,” which is my #1 motivator in life and essential to my well-being and happiness. There were times when I viewed my circumstances as a barrier to freedom, but I’ve been able to change my perspective by tuning into the abundance of freedom I already have. A change of perspective is everything, and in this case, I’ve noticed how much more chill I am about reaching my goals.

It’s not that my ambition has decreased in any way. Simply put, I’m taking the time to smell the roses on the way to where I’d like to eventually be. I’m no longer in a state of rush or frustration because I can tap into whatever it is I want to feel now. There’s less stress and more fun. Less worry about the future and more presence to the beauty of this moment. There’s confidence that this is where I’m supposed to be now, and that it is glorious in its own way.

I call this being in flow. Finally swimming with the stream and not against it.

To boil it down, I’ve found the mindset shift into flow consists of three pillars: gratitude, patience, and trust.

Gratitude for all the blessings and opportunities you currently have.
Patience towards the journey.
And trust that all is unfolding as it should and that your success is inevitable.

I hope that you can enjoy where you are today and have more fun as you make your way towards your desired future.

Align to That Which You Seek

Today I’d like to invite you to challenge the way you were taught to seek happiness, or whatever feeling it is you desire to find.

We grew up believing that we needed things, experiences, accomplishments, and even people to make us feel happy, validated, and complete. We chased titles/careers, material wealth, and relationships only to find another ladder to climb at the end of each goal completed. Have you noticed that the seeking never really ends? You can get what you really wanted and shortly after, feel like there’s something else to reach for in order to be fully satisfied.

Becoming a flight attendant was a goal I really wanted to accomplish not too long ago. I begged the universe to help me land this opportunity and worked my butt off preparing for the interviews. I thought this job would be the perfect addition to my life; that I would no longer feel “lost,” or “stuck” and be set free with the opportunity to travel.

Yet, once I got it, it was entirely too easy to focus on the problems and difficulties within the industry. That “stuck” feeling continued to haunt me despite having obtained what I thought was the answer. I felt confined by my schedule and all the time away from home, and when I was in a place I really enjoyed, it was tainted with the sadness of having to leave shortly after.

These were some of the reasons not to be happy yet. And that’s when I realized I was in a perpetual state of suffering: always wanting more or something different in order to feel free.

Freedom is one of my most important values, the motivation behind so many life decisions, and what I always seem to be chasing.

But I decided that if I were to lead a fulfilled life, I would have to put an end to the never-ending chase and tap into all the ways that I’m already free. A.k.a.“align with the vibration of freedom.” When I talk about aligning to a vibration, what I mean is getting into the state of your desired feeling, in order to attract that which we want in life (Law of Attraction).

I pulled out my journal and started a list of different ways I’m free, discovering so much I’d taken for granted. I’m free to consume the books/films/music I choose; I’m free to dress how I want, I’m free to journal and mediate, I’m free to laugh and play. On a larger scale, I have total creative freedom (like writing this newsletter and making videos) which is so so valuable to me. Plus my job does allow me to travel and see the people I love around the world, which is the closest thing to teleporting I can get right now.

I was so taken aback by the incredible amount of ways I’m already free. I sat with that appreciation and let it light me up. It felt like I could finally ease into the adventure of this very moment. I could finally perceive how everything was flowing naturally and working out for me.

Since then, my attitude towards work has totally changed and in turn, I’m having more fun on a daily basis. I am finally sitting back, enjoying the journey, and appreciating the gifts picked up along the way.

It’s human to have this insatiable thirst for more; to believe that something else has the key to our happiness and completion. But as we grow, we learn to find that which we seek is already in our hands. We have the power of emotion and of perception, which once cultivated and tweaked can shape how we experience our reality.

And in my reality, I am finally free. How about yours?

Creative Blocks and Comparison

Hey friends:

I’m back with a topic for my fellow creators and creatives out there who may be feeling blocked or weighed down from the pressure to create.

Recently I experienced a lot of internal pressure to write, to make videos etc. for the sake of consistency, and fueled by comparison. There are people online who I follow and admire that constantly create and it’s so easy to feel like I’m falling short sometimes when I compare myself. My body and mind truly needed rest after working so much, and I was having trouble admitting that some days are better than others when it comes to creativity and productivity and that I have my own process and journey to go through when it comes to creating that can’t be compared.

If you can relate and struggle with some of the same things, I made a video yesterday that covers how we can move through feeling stuck in our creative blocks, embrace the process and honor our own individual methods and ways of creating.

You can check it out here:

I’m happy to report that I’m more inspired and in flow now because I gave myself the time to feel, to introspect and to share the lessons learned without overthinking it.

Hope it’s helpful, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

Love,

Gabriela

Flow

Hello friends! I hope you’re all well!

Does anyone else sense how light the energy feels in August compared to July? I gotta admit July had some tough moments for me; I was overworked, missing home and feeling defeated towards the end of the month.

If you follow astrology you may have attributed July’s trying energy to Mercury Retrograde. In case you aren’t familiar, the retrograde wreaks havoc among technology, travel and communication. Plus, it fell during Cancer season, which brings forth our emotional and sensitive nature. Meaning, we were deep in our feels as this was unfolding.

The beautiful thing about life though, is that something can suddenly shift and you can wake up one day and everything feels fine again. Even really, really, good. Whether it’s a planetary shift or a simple change in perspective, nothing truly stays stagnant.

I’m so happy to be feeling more positive and like myself again, though l can now see that what felt like harsh lessons in July were an opportunity to show up as the most authentic version of me. I truly believe there is always something to learn from discomfort and that we have the capability to alchemize the darkness into something beautiful if we choose.

If you’re still feeling down, hang in there and let it flow. What really helped me to process the tough days was feeling into my heart during meditation. Meditation can be as simple as focusing on your breathing for a couple minutes a day, and I am starting to see how life changing it truly is. (The hype is real).

I hope though, that you are all well and enjoying the summer now that we near towards the end. I hope you have let the sun bathe your skin and that you’ve spent an entire day just being. You.

Love,

Gabriela

What is Self-Care?

I am so happy to be writing from home! These past couple weeks have been insane with “summer flying.” I’d been warned about how busy the airline industry could get during the summer but I was not mentally prepared for all the reroutes and fast pace of things.

It’s so good to finally have moments to sit back and breathe. To enjoy the comforts of home (particularly the couch) and to check in with myself. I am intently focused on self-care during these few days of rest.

Yesterday my partner and I melted into the couch and today I have a little spa day planned. Not only that, but I also booked a psychic reading with someone I found through a podcast.

This got me thinking about self-care and what that really means. Self-care usually connotes images of women in face masks or getting massages, but there are so many other fun and creative ways that we can check in and take care of ourselves—physically, mentally, spiritually.

For me, today it means getting a psychic reading because it’s fun and it gives me spiritual direction.

Self-care could also mean taking the time out of the day to face time with good friends, getting lost in laughter and conversation, or driving to a random town for the hell of it.

Sometimes it’s not exciting per se, but it could be exactly what you need, like eating ice cream in the bath tub, or spending an entire day watching TV, letting your body fully relax and my mind drift for a while.

Sometimes it is more cliche for me— like getting my eyebrows and nails done so I can feel amazing on the inside and outside. (Personally, I’ve found a strong correlation between how I look and how I feel).

My point is: you get to decide what self care looks like for you and it’s important to take note of when you’re in dire need of it. Better yet, to recognize when you could use some lovin’ before you’re in serious need of it, and to incorporate it into some sort of routine. I know I need some attention when my body starts aching, my patience thins, and my mind falls down a negative spiral. It’s then that I know I have to make the time for myself and replenish.

What are your self-care methods? I would love to know! Respond back to this email or connect on instagram @gabrielammelgar

Love,

Gabriela

PS-

Last week I made a Youtube video titled “Surrender to a Bigger Plan.” It was inspired by reading “The Universe Has Your Back” & talks about how “surrendering” has created more peace and happiness in my life.

You can check it out here

I’m getting in the groove of creating weekly videos. If you’d like to subscribe, head to my youtube channel.

Beginner’s Mindset

Hey guys!

I recently felt inspired and made a Youtube video for the first time in 9 months.

I started a Youtube channel three years ago, while I was still living in Vietnam. At the time I was close to finishing my teaching contract and was unsure of what my next step in life would be, but was considering teaching in another country.

As part of my research I watched tons of videos about people’s experiences abroad to give me an idea of what living in other places might be like. It was then that I realized I had something to offer: my very own experience of Vietnam.

I didn’t have a proper camera, or a mic. I simply recorded on my laptop and spoke. Back then I didn’t even know how to edit videos, so I when I messed up the first couple minutes I had to start over again. After that I didn’t over think it, and just spoke about my experience. That video ended up being the most popular on my channel by far, with over 100k views to date.

Once I started to learn how to edit videos I got fancier with the quality and more demanding with myself about how they should look. Although I definitely had some fun creating them, they eventually started to feel like work. When I went back to basics, just me in front of the camera speaking my truth, I felt like it wasn’t good enough. I had so many mixed emotions about making videos. On one hand I had some success gaining viewers and subscribers and if felt rewarding to connect with others and create a video from start to finish. Yet, I was overly critical of myself which led me to “giving up” for some time. I figured if I I didn’t have the energy or will to do it near perfectly and consistently, I minus well not do it at all.

I happened to check on my channel the other day and noticed I had gained a number of new subscribers during my hiatus. It’s funny because I wasn’t trying to grow my channel, just as I had gone into my first video with zero expectation. I was inspired to go back to my beginner’s mindset and start over in a sense, without demanding too much of myself and having fun.

I was nervous at first, over thinking my words and stumbling over them. My perfectionist mind kept wanting to sound eloquent and hit all the points I was trying to make. It wasn’t polished but it came together after some editing. It was a step in the right direction because I finally put myself out there again in an imperfect way and with acceptance of that imperfection. I simply felt like sharing insights without demanding it look a certain way.

The video is titled “Goal Setting and Self Compassion” and hits on themes I’ve talked about in the last few Weekly Motivations, just expressed differently. If you’d like to check it out and/or subscribe to my channel head here.

What I’d like for you to take away from this is that if you feel like sharing something, making something or being something but are feeling stuck due to perfectionism and over thinking, bring back the curiosity and playfulness of doing it for the first time. Let go of your own demands and need for it to look a certain way, and trust the process. Focus on having fun and let the chips fall where they may. If you stumble like I did, take a deep breath and remind yourself that the world doesn’t need any more “perfect,” it needs more You, doing what you love.

Goal Setting + Self Love Journeys

Hello friends:

In my last newsletter I mentioned how I was challenging myself to work 10 hours towards my creative projects/side hustle. Last week I began mid-week and accomplished 3.5 hours which was under goal. I had planned on setting time during a long layover at the beach (in between dipping + tanning 😉 ), but was instead rerouted and worked non-stop for three days (oh the joys of working in the airline industry).

Sometimes things don’t go as planned but it’s all about how we react to the unexpected trajectories and perceived “failures.” Most importantly, it’ about the relationship we have with ourselves through it all.

In the past, failing to accomplishing a goal would have made me feel like a loser. Like I wasn’t trying hard enough and that it may not be worth it to continue striving. It would have fed a belief that I’m just not good at consistency or “putting in the work.”

But, I’m choosing a different story now. One of compassion and understanding. I am simply doing my best. The fact that I set aside 3.5 hours for my creative work is a win, specially during my first week of being more intentional about time. And this week—and for the many weeks to come, I have the opportunity to keep working towards those 10 hours in a positive way.

I choose to see this as progress rather than a set back. With that, the weight is removed from my shoulders, I can breathe deeper and continue having fun with this—(may I remind myself)—self imposed challenge.

Instead of not feeling valuable until I create a set amount of work, I can use this “challenge” as a practice of self love + compassion no matter what ❤

Working towards those 10 hours per week is more about the journey than the destination. Just like self love.

I’ll explain:

I used to think self love was a goal to reach, at the end of continual self development and improvement. Each time I thought I had finally reached the most ideal relationship with myself, I would be presented with an emotional challenge that revealed just how much more profound my self love could be; how there was so much more room to love and accept myself— in all the crevices that still carried shame, guilt, emptiness, or whichever emotion manifested the idea of not being enough. It’s a never ending journey with an opportunity for more depth at every moment, whether you’re enduring a high or a low.

I know better now than to think reaching a goal can define me or make me feel more valuable; in other words make me more lovable to myself.

The opportunity to truly love every bit of yourself lies in the journey of it all; which includes the imperfections, the failures and the incessant striving on its own. We have the power to feel enough and loved wherever we’re at, and when we do that, every dream and every goal becomes an added bonus—a fun journey to be had.

Let’s see what we can do, and all that we can accomplish from a place of already being enough.

Love,

Gabriela